2004-12-24

will this work?

Well I checked a box that said I could e-mail blog updates to my blog so I'm trying to now... Well anyways I've been at my dads house for awhile now and I'm rather bored... so I decided to try this!
 
Wow, this is so fun... Anywho if anyone I know reads this give me a call! I'd love to hear from you. This break is soooo rather boring and un-interesting! Please call me and liven this place up!
 
Well I should probably be going... but please call me!


Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - 250MB free storage. Do more. Manage less.

2004-12-22

Poke! Poke! Poke!

Well it has been awhile since I've updated...

Anywho there was a party at my house this night, a winter solstice party to be precise. Well it was pretty fun, bonfire... cookies... people... everything to make it a good party. As for the rest of my day... It was hell. Well it wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t for the baker, oh how I loathe the baker... She is such a perfectionist... She requires me to make the lettuce for salads perfect... So perfect that instead of being a 7-minute job it turned into a 30-minute job... My gosh it was hell. It took me the entire day to catch up on dishes and even then I left before I finished all my tasks for the day. Yeah I don't care about my job anymore...

Well that was my complaint... I don't know what else to say besides life is such a puzzle... At times I think it would almost be easier to not exist. Just you get so confused, and even more confused, and don't want to deal with life in general... You come with a decision that you can see has no good choice... It's a loaded gun... You say one thing and it hurts someone else, you say the other it tears yourself up inside...

Life is a Chinese puzzle box that oozes worthless bits of experience and knowledge.

2004-12-15

Dublin to Kyoto

Today my sister bought to my attention the trip I've been planning. The trip consists of starting in Ireland and making my way all the way over to Japan... It will be long, tiring, lonely, and hella fun! Anywho, my sister says I shouldn’t take a year of college and then go, because too many people get sucked into life as soon as the sweet poison of college touches their mortal tongues. (Well I made the analogy...) But yeah, she isn't the only one to tell me that, so now I am seriously thinking about waiting until next year and then take off for the trip, without going to college... Well not to say I will never go to college but I will wait until I get back.

Sometimes I don't know... I'd be alone and somewhere that I've never been. But then again wouldn’t that be the point? To have crazy experiences that you couldn’t get anywhere else. I know I will go on the trip... hold me to it please! For now I just have to start acquiring all my gear that I'll need (prolly $600 worth.) So please send me cash for my trip! It will be much appreciated and I'll bring you back a gift!

2004-12-13

Scariest Few Seconds of My Life

Yawn... Unlike most people when I yawn I usually say it while I do it...

Well today I was thinking and absolutely nothing came to thought. It was rather strange, like usually I can think of something totally random, like that time when the Martians decided to blow up Jupiter but the only reason why they didn’t was because a cow got in the way of their giant laser beam. But yeah usually I can think of random ass things like that, and then when I tell my friends about them they think I'm on drugs. Anyways, today I could not think for the life of me... So what if the period only consisted of a couple of seconds, the fact is that those were the scariest second of my life! Well maybe not... I think the scariest few seconds was that one time... well that’s not part of today’s story, so I'll be quiet. Then again thinking is over-rated.

2004-12-09

Cat Food Plague

Scene 1:
Jeff's is singing in choir and doing crazy stuff with his loony choir geek friends. Then it cuts to me rolling in bed just waking up. I get up to feed the cat and accidentally give it plague. At the same time the bell rings at school and Jeff goes to his next class. As Jeff mingles with friends at school I drive there and get there late for the class I have with Jeff. Then I start telling him about this kick-arse idea I have for a movie, then the teacher yells at us and we get to work.

Scene 2:
School gets out and I meet up with Jeff. I start telling him about this really kick-arse Idea I have which ends up being a movie. The scene I tell him about is the middle of the movie, so we continue to tell the story about the movie from the beginning until the scene that I thought of. As we are describing the movie it randomly cuts back to us (Princes Bride type thing going on.) The camera is slowly moving backwards as we walk to it. Throughout the movie it cuts back to us still walking just in different locations.

Well, I hope this movie will be good... I hope...

2004-12-07

Martians Will Help

The fairies are coming! It scares the hell out of me... They all have their wings and are all fairy like... The worst is when they start talking to you and you talk back, then that girl that you're trying to impress sees you talking to yourself and when you try to explain the fairy's she just rolls her eyes and walks away. Then like when you try to smack them they disappear and you smack that kid that’s like twice you size and he gets mad at you... But not all the fairies are all that bad, like the other day I met one, its name was Frankfruit, he sat on my shoulder and helped plan things. I'd say stuff and he'd laugh, then he bought me a cookie (best cookie ever!) After like 5 hours of hanging out with me he said he had to go chill with his "fairy friend posse". And ever since then I've had the strangest feeling that all these goddamn fairies are watching me... And that's not even the worst part... Every once in a bit they light me on fire. So I start screaming, and then people just look at me really funny.

Well the fairies are far too dangerous for us to handle... I think we need to move to Mars.

2004-12-05

1700's Death of an Onion

Yesterday I took my SAT, wasn't nearly as bad as was expected. Actually apart from the 4 hours it took out of my day I kind of like it! I know I might sound insane or something, but I like taking tests. It could be because I have always done really well on tests that I don't even study for, or the fact that I hate writing which make multiple choice tests all the better. But yes over the years I have come to enjoy tests. All the fun you can have by filling in each circle, and looking at the seemingly random pattern it creates on your paper, it is just so... amusing! (Yeah, I'm a guy and can be entertained by almost anything.) Well apart from how much I liked the test I think I did really well on it. On the verbal I think I was a little below average, but the math part was sooo easy for me! It made me happy.

After the test some friends and I went to the mall for lunch. Well I wasn't planning on eating because Ben had already given me French toast and Neva gave me an apple... So we get to the food court and I'm just tagging along and then, POW! Sarah makes me take her money so I can eat... I felt bad but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I end up eating a giant piece of pizza and half of Sarah’s food... (I'm a growing boy you know?) We get out of the food court and are going down some stairs when I decide to slide down the rail. Well Ben told me I would run into Neva and well I did. And in doing so I ended up flipping over the side of the rail and dropping ten feet. It was soooooo fun! Luckily I decided I liked my head (since it did to well on the SAT and all) so I landed on my feet.

Moral of this story: Listen to your friends, and then go against what they say. It's more fun that way!

2004-12-01

Update 1.0

Happy December!

Would you really put happy in front of December? It sounds better then "Merry" but then again Christmas is in December and you say "Merry Christmas!" Another strange thing is how do you know that it’s not a different word like "Joyful"? Well I guess "Joyful December" doesn’t really sound that great... Hmmm... I can't think of any other words that go in front of times of year...

Well apart from that my December doesn’t seem to be starting off that great, mainly because I'm sick. I get sick like twice a year and I guess it had to be now... My symptoms go all the way back to the butter drinking incident. After I drank the butter my throat bothered me and it's only gotten worse since then. (I think I'll got burn a stick of butter tomorrow to smite it...)

I'm really looking forward to this winter break; I'll actually be able to visit my aunt that I haven’t seen since last spring break. And on top of that I get a few days without work or school! I should enjoy it; I plan on sleeping and visiting my girlfriend. But as soon as the break is it couldn’t come any slower... I have 2 and a half more weeks, they will be weeks of pain and struggling to keep from gnawing off my own leg to keep the boredom at a minimum...

I'm running out of things to say... um... bye.

2004-11-29

Cut a Rug, or Not

I'm wondering what I should do with my hair. It’s getting really long, like 10-11 inches long. When I started growing it I intended to donate it to Locks of Love or a similar organization. But as it grows longer many people say I should keep growing and wait even longer to donate it. Honestly I don't care what happens to my hair. It's more on my head for other people rather then me, countless numbers of females love it and express that by running their fingers through it. As for how it affects me it has positives and negatives. It gets in my eyes, and food, but it also keeps me oh so warm of cold days.

My hair is to me just a mass of protein I have to keep tidy. To others it is a way to identify me, something to play with and poke jokes at. (It pokes back sometimes.)

I wish I could write more about my hair and the thrown upon which it sits but my train of thought has been interrupted and I feel like going...

2004-11-26

My Stomach is a Cheap Prostitute

As a rule of thumb, drinking two cups of melted butter isn't quite worth 5 dollars.

Today at work I drank two cups of butter for 5 dollars... Well I'm 5 dollars richer and never going to use butter again... The feeling it gives you is something I'll never forget, your stomach hating you and wanting to digest itself to avoid the liquidie mass of grease and oil. You get sick, you want to throw up, but if you're like me and have a very strong stomach you won't be able to. After a little bit your stomach convinces your brain that it would be safer on the ground outside your body and begins to try to get out. (One day, I swear it will make its way out somehow...) But yeah right now (hours later) just thinking about swallowing it makes me shudder... The taste of butter still coats my mouth, the only thing that covers it up is the minty flavor of the Tums I just ate. Well I have learned my lesson. (I hope.)


2004-11-24

Save a Turkey, Eat a Tree

Holidays are rather useless. I mean they are much more an excuse for having good food rather then celebrating something. How many Americans will sit down at the dinner table tomorrow and think, "Wow, I sure am glad those pilgrims landed in America a couple hundred years ago." I admit that not even I am someone who does that. Christmas is usually more identified for why it was started, but that doesn’t explain why so many atheistic people still celebrate it. Like I said, an excuse to have fun. I'm not saying that celebrating and having fun is a bad thing, but please think of why you're celebrating.

Black Friday. The thought makes me shudder. Stores all mark their items down in price to encourage shoppers to waste their money on something they’d never buy otherwise. I on the other had am going to celebrate "Buy Nothing Day" yes, it's the same day. I know that by not going shopping I personally will not change much since well I shop only 3 days a year anyway.

Well that was my rant for the evening. For all your information I'm not really planning on celebrating tomorrow apart from eating turkey.

2004-11-21

My Head Hurts

So like I was walking around one day and I saw this sign, and it said "Hello." So I said hello and then suddenly these gray green aliens crashed into the Sahara desert, but that has nothing to do with this story. Anywho on with it! The sign that said "Hello." it was purple, but everyone thought it was yellow, because it looked yellow. So I was all like "Hello purple sign." And since I knew it was purple and not yellow it turned into this amazingly pointy dragonfly. The dragon apparently liked being a sign and continued to eat me. So like I'm in this dragonfly’s stomach and I see this big orange door. I opened the door, and inside there are all these crazy ninja guys training and killing each other. After a little bit they saw me, and I was all like "Oh shit!" Because I'm more of a pirate and everyone know that pirates and ninjas are sworn enemies. So I run and all of a sudden I fall through this trap door and like everything is dark and I'm all like "What the hell?" and I open my eyes and I'm in this forest. So I start walking north, or at least what I think is north. After like 5 minutes I found this little turtle and it bit me. I was like "Why the hell did you do that?" And the turtle was all like "Dude I'm not a turtle." So I look again and there is this massive pile of lumber that’s talking to me. Now not everyday you run into talking lumber but I figured it was pretty normal. So I build a house out of this talking lumber, figuring that if I ever get lonely living there I can always talk to the house. So I make a house but it wasn’t really a house it was actually a spaceship, so when the ninjas came I blasted off in my talking spaceship. I ended up floating through space and my spaceship stopped talking to me, I got lonely. After a month I pressed this button that I had never seen before and suddenly the world blew up. I was all like "That was cool!" so I continued to press the button over and over and over again. Nothing happened. Suddenly where the Earth used to be this big black hole opened up and sucked me in. I woke up five days later, or at least I think it was five days from what the bunny told me. And I was all not in my spaceship. So I looked around and found a tombstone, it said, "Here lay talking spaceship. Rest in..." After the "Rest in" it looked like someone was jumping into a turtle shell. I cried. I wandered around for a couple years until I came to this sign. The sign was blue and it said "Bye." and everyone thought it was red. So before I had a chance to talk to it I took out a machete and blew it up.

2004-11-19

What?

Emotion slaghters even the most battle hardened man
They are un-avoidable
The less you aknowlege them the larger they become
Impossible to block out
When they are released it is like a bullet tearing your senses to shreds
You get confused, you don't know whether to cry or laugh
Hoplessly you body squirms trying to get out of the bind
You cry
Damn

The other day I was listening to a song (Du Hast, by Rammstein) and I started drying for no reason whatsoever. The song is in German and I don't understand a word of it, but the emotion conveyed in the music, the voice, it was just too much for me. Something is wrong with me and I don't have a clue as to what it might be. I hate these feelings, it was so much better when I had none, and just put on a mask when I was around people. In a way I do still put on a mask, I have friends who tell me that I'm always so happy around them. Then I look at myself and realize that is so far from where I'm feeling. Right now I don't know how a feel and it bothers me... I'm taking off.

2004-11-16

Thrash Classical!

Music is such an interesting thing. Everyone listens to it but then again everyone has preferences to what they listen to. I doubt I know many people who have the same tastes as me, but I'd believe it I found someone. Look at so many high schoolers, they all like Rap. I admit there is quite a bit of good Rap, but then there is also a lot of utter shit. (Then again that's my opinion.) There are many guys that I know that consider Emo "whiney and annoying." I can understand why they'd think that, but once again there is a lot of good Emo... Well what I'm trying to say is that every genre has some music that you'll like, no matter your tastes.

Music genres are another interesting thing. How many are there? I don't know and I don’t really want to count. You look at something like "Metal" and there are like 5 sub genres within it! What the hell!? Why don't we just keep like 6 easily identifiable genres and kick the rest in the nuts? Someday I think I'll go invent my own genre... it'll be something like... "Thrash Classical" It will just be classical music to me singing un-comprehendible lyrics and blowing things up! Damn that'll be cool...

Protest high CD price download your music…

2004-11-10

Save a Life, Give Blood Today!

Blood drips from his fingertips like water drops rolling off of a maple leaf. Each droplet falls to the ground in such a manner you would think it was raining. The blood gathers in a pool and creates a stream that slowly cuts its way on the porcelain, flowing to the steal drain at the bottom of the tub. Following the blood to the source you see tiny veins of it traveling down his palm like rain rolls down the windowpane. The source is a five-inch long gash, like a fault line from an earthquake, down his wrist. Small shards of glass glint like ice in the velvet red spring, remnants from the great tool that cut the flesh. The man screams, whether from pain or from the realization that he'll never live again. The scream sounds like a feral cat crying in the bushes after having its hind legs ripped off by a passing car. He staggers to the door, like a drunk trying to grab something that is just out of his reach. As he travels he leaves a trail of tiny red circles much like tracks of some lame and injured animal. He attempts to turn the brass doorknob; his strength fails him as he realizes the door has been locked. His body slides down the door, onto the white tile floor. After a matter of minutes he releases his last breath into the puddle of blood that had drained out of his body like a slow drip coffee pot. Death has taken its tragic toll.

2004-11-08

My Girlfriend will be Upset

Well Right now I'm supposed to be reading "The Odyssey" but I lost the book so I'll get over my loses and forward the library the entire worth of the book amounting in $.75.

Earlier this night (about 15 minutes ago) I spray-painted an elephant purple for a friend. Now it was a small elephant but an elephant nonetheless. So I'm spray painting this elephant (hence forth to be known as Fredrick) purple, and I think about the flammability of spray paint, I figured I could maybe dry Fredrick a little faster then it would usually take. So I pull out my pink bic lighter and create the makeshift flamethrower. As the flames engulfed Fredrick I remember my passion for fire and the many times I have had not so friendly encounters with it. Well after a little bit I take the flames away and notice Fredrick is now standing it a puddle of ignited paint. I thought to myself "Behold the glorious elephant, rising from the puddle of flame to create havoc on Earth, and act much like an elephant!" Then I was all like "Wow, I should write that down in my Blog..." And now here I am... and... Uh... <--- I just typed all that.

In the end life will kick you in the nuts really hard. If you're a girl it'll just give you a titty twister.

2004-11-04

The Breakfast of Champions

Breakfast food is most likely the best invention ever. (Up there with thunderstorms.) Just because it's labeled as breakfast food does not mean you can only eat it at breakfast time. In fact I think cereal is great for dinner or even a mid-night snack. (Mainly because it’s so easy to make.) Take a look at Denny's; they serve breakfast at anytime of the day, pure genius if you ask me. Lets take a look at your breakfast foods, eggs very good, meat super good and, toast the reason to live. Now just think of adding them all together, maybe throwing on some cheese, and suddenly you have one of the best sandwiches ever, (besides the ones I used to make,) edible at anytime of the day!

Now one breakfast food that is very under-rated is pizza. Pizza is an amazing breakfast, and almost the entire food pyramid rolled into one edible slice. Look at a piece, it has all your basics, crust for your grains, sauce and onions for your veggies, cheese for your dairy, any number of meats for your protein, and the grease to top the pyramid. It is truly an ultimate breakfast food.

Breakfst is good, don't skip it.

2004-10-31

The Capitalists are Coming!

It's Halloween.

This year is the first year it hasn’t really meant anything to me. This year is also the second year I haven’t gone trck-or-treatuing. For some reason I don't care at all this year, it could be because I'm so f'ing tired today.

The last two nights I have stayed up until at least 3:30. Friday night my mom had a party. It was big... like 30+ people and like 100+ beers. Lets just say that by the end of the night I was the only sober one there. It was mainly people I work with or have met before but there were a few I didn’t know. As the sober one (and the under age person) I was in charge of driving people and watching the fire. The fire was fun, it was a big bon-fire that I made a pit for the morning of. It's pretty good size, big enough to fit pallets in. I also lined the bottom with cinder blocks, which just made it burn uber hot. (The next morning I found several melted bottles in the ashes.)

Last night, was Dungeons & Dragons night. (Yes I'm a DnD geek.) We wanted to start playing around 12:00; we started at 3:00. But the delay gave me enough time to make enchiladas. (I found out that I am able to cook... the world is doomed.) Anywho there are 3 players (including me) and a DM (Dungeon Master.) Two of the guys I've known since middle school, and I'm pretty good friends with. The third... is well... the definition of a freshman. He may be a junior, but oh my gosh... he can be so loud, naive, and annoying! I swear there is some disorder in his little head. I feel kind of bad about saying that but it's true... Anywho we role-played until 3:30. (After the time change.) It was long and exhausting but it was fun.

Well this is prolly the most boring entry I have ever written in, and I hope this will stay the most boring one...

2004-10-27

Mazes in the Dark Have Already Been Done

Today I felt obligated to update.

For a small period of time I was thinking of leaving it at the above text. I then decided I could maybe be random for a little bit.

So today I was thinking of how strange it would be to live in the 4th dimension. I was thinking that you'd look at a part of space and would be able to see everything that has ever been there. Then someone said if you looked at someone wouldn’t you see everything they've ever been? I don’t think so because the person moves through space and time, and even though you could see both you wouldn’t see a person walking everywhere they've been but just them entering and leaving your range of view and everything they did while in your sight. Just think, if you did live in the 4th dimension then you wouldn’t have to worry about time. In theory you'd already be dead!

Another thing that came to mind is: What if you had complete awareness of your subconscious? Your subconscious is like the ultimate RAM. Everything that you've ever seen is stored there. If you had awareness of it you would be able to travel through your house in complete darkness without running into anything. As far as math goes, as soon as you saw something done you could do the same to any number or any set of numbers just by looking at them and thinking of the process. You'd probably never get confused either.

So if you had complete awareness of your subconscious and also lived in the 4th dimension... well I don’t therefore I do not have the mental capacity to evaluate what it would be like...

2004-10-24

The Goldfish View

Apparently I'm a poet. Sure it’s not a bad thing, but how useful is it? I can't go out on a street and recite it to people for money. (I could but then the police would prolly come as escort me elsewhere.) I see no real point in being a good poet. How hard is it to throw together a couple words that mean absolutely nothing to you but the world to everyone else? I mean I can write a poem about anything...

Goldfish have no use,
They swim like they do not care for anything else.
Never even caring that they are in a cage no bigger then a humans head.
They are drones, programmed to survive.
Let us take their example,
Let us eat, drink, and be merry.

I mean how f'ing hard was that? It wasn’t! Then again that’s prolly a bad poem but the fact remains, poetry is easy! Anyone can emulate a poet.

To be a good poet nowadays I think it would help to only read newspapers, and boring textbooks. If you follow that one of two outcomes can occur. One, your poems are so boring by the end no one is awake to dislike them. Or, two, your creative sense is going into overdrive due to the lack of interesting works and thus makes your poetry uber good.

My name was never important.
I will be gone before you notice I was here.
You have ignored my existence for more then long enough.
By the time you have a chance to look again I will be gone.
When I'm gone you'll notice the emptiness but not know what is missing.
Tonight is my departure but you don't know.
People will ask and only you will know the answer.
I have left, gone forever.

2004-10-23

Senior Images

I got my senior pics...
If you want to see them here you go!
http://homepage.mac.com/bryondevore/logan/
The password is: 100604

2004-10-21

Pizza for the Masses

Why are people evil? Some say we are born with good and evil already inside us. Still others that experience will drive the different values out. And still others believe that people choose to be evil. I, for one, do not know. I would like to think that no one would do it by choice, but I know that may not be true. I believe the most understandable reason is that experiences’ drives it out of people. An eye for an eye, right? So it takes a miserable life to ruin someone else’s... It is believable but still might not be true, I know a number of people that have had horrible lives yet are still uber nice. So that leaves the idea of everyone being born with good and evil already inside us. I guess this could be true... I mean it makes sense... But what happens when someone who is inherently good is raised being told it's all right to steal things? Would that person still be good out of ignorance? It is a confusing matter and should be pondered... I'd opt for the fourth theory: This reality is of no entertaining use to us anymore. Not necessarily for everyone, but for those who don't fear punishment and don't have goals. (I know I sound like an inspirational speaker...) If you've already done everything you've wanted to do then what can anybody take away from you? Honestly I just made this all up but it does have relevance. Then there are also the ignorant... Oh what gift ignorance is! If there is no law (that you know of) then how can you break it? You will break it, but the fact is you won’t have any moral repercussions since you don’t know about the severity. What can you say for them, are they good or evil?

Well right now I feel like I'm ranting and contradicting myself or something. Anywho I don’t think I agree with most anything I said... I'm going to go have some pizza... Pizza solves everything...

2004-10-19

Wired for Driving Off Cliffs

I'm tired of my schedule. Wake up go to school, come home and sit around my computer for a bit. Every once in a bit I'll throw some Frisbee into the schedule, (haha that was punny,) but apart from that it’s the same thing.

Last week I ventured away from the norm. I planned a trip up to Jon's after school one day. Jeff said it was really weird to see me so motivated to do something, I said I only get motivated when I'm pissed off. The trip was pretty fun, beside the fact that we got lost and I almost drove off a cliff, but fun nonetheless. On our way there we stopped and got 6 energy drinks, I drank 3 of them, they were the ones with two servings in one can... by the time I went to bed the next day, adding into account all the chemicals from the drinks and the lack of sleep, I was so drugged up! It wasn’t too bad I could act stranger (a plus,) yet concentrating on anything was almost impossible. I'd go to double click on an icon and then the cat would distract me before I could click twice. It was fun.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is... well I don’t know what I'm trying to say so please interpret for yourself and loved ones.

2004-10-16

The Bowels of Hell

I hate work. Well not work in general, although that does harbor a great amount of unfriendly feelings, but my Job. I wash dishes for a paycheck. (Not a living, because my mum takes care of that.) Washing dishes gets so tedious, the same thing over and over; wash the plates then put them away. I hate it. The people I work with all have attitudes and emotions of a high school student. The problem? I may be a high school student, but I don’t conform to the normal attitude of one. It's sad; at times I feel so much more mature then them since I don’t laugh when someone refers to walnuts.

When I'm at work I almost always think about how much I hate it. This may be part as to why I hate it so much but there is no avoiding it. Many times a day I'll think to myself how much I wish the knife would slip and just cut off my finger so I wouldn’t have to work for a few days. It has actually been so bad that one day when I had a headache, I thought that the place where it hurt would be the perfect place to put a gun. Don't get me wrong, I would never kill myself, but that is just how much I hate work.

It's very hard for me to bring myself to quit. I hate the job, but I can’t do it. For some reason I've convinced myself that I have to keep a job. I never bother to think about how long the 6.5k in the bank will last me if I decide to stop working for a while. I theory I have looked for other jobs (more like "job") but it has yielded nothing. At times I forget how much money I make compared to my friends, and then I say, "I don’t care I'd work any other job for a lot less money."

In the end I go back no matter how I feel. I blame my mum for such great work ethic.

2004-10-13

It Doesn't Matter

What is the point of us being on this planet? If you look at it as humans just being another creature, then the answer is to survive.

The real question is not "Why are we here?" but "Why do we stay here?" And to that question you could say because we have nowhere else to go. You could of course argue that we could all kill ourselves and then we'd be somewhere else, but I don’t think that would go over too well with the rest of the world. I think the reason why we don’t just kill ourselves is not the fear of death but the uncertainty of our after-lives. How many of us actually know where we go after we die? (And no I don’t mean the ground.) Sure many people will stand up and tell me that they are going to heaven or they will be reincarnated, but do they have proof? And I know that many of even those people have a small shadow of doubt in their hearts, terrified that they might not be right. As for me I believe I might be ready (don't worry I wont kill myself) I don’t necessarily know but then again I frankly don’t give a crap about what does happen to me, I wont mind, I'll be dead.

2004-10-11

Emotion

As he sits there in his old, green, corduroy, computer chair, he ponders his emotions. The way they work, how they make him feel. He pokes at them with his mind, as if it was a rotting carcass of a dead animal on the side of the road. He starts crying. He has no reason to; it is just the emotion that surfaced to his consciousness, like a whale breeching for air. As he cries he thinks of all the reasons he should and realizes it is but a waste of tears and energy. He goes back to his thought on emotion. This time he pulls it, like a needle and thread through a thick, coarse fabric. He punches his computer. The feeling makes small prickling sensations course through his body at the beat of his heart, burning as they go, enraging him. He thinks once more and the burning leaves his body. Once more he goes back to his focus on the mass of emotions. He squeezes it, like you would a loved ones hand. A warm, fury, almost beautiful feeling fills his abdomen and slowly branches out into other parts of his body, toward the very tips of his fingers, warming him as they travel. He smiles. He focuses on this emotion more until he can hardly keep his body still from the joy that it creates. He laughs. Still focusing on this feeling drawing out every last ounce of his physical emotion, like a bird of prey taking to flight. He sings. He then lets the feeling go, like a leaf is blown in to the wind, it flutters all about as it travels further and further away. The emotion is now a memory, to be kept in a magnificent library along with thousands of other works all stored for easy access, ready for when the time calls for them. He sits now, in his old, green, computer chair, staring blankly at the computer screen.

2004-10-10

The Oath

Today I found out that my little sister was caught drinking. Nothing really new to me, I mean I've known about it for a few months now. My mum didn't react as bad as she did toward Mariah (older sister) or at least it didn’t seem like she did. Well then again when my mum found out about Mariah I was home and heard the shouting, it might have been the same for Victoria. Mariah was 18 when my mum found out; Victoria is 15, which might have something to do with punishments. I personally have taken an oath to not let foreign chemicals or poisons drastically alter my moods and thoughts.

This Oath that I took I thought was mainly enacted by myself due to the fact that alcoholism and drug abuse runs in my family. (Alcoholism on both sides, drug abuse by my dad.) At first my Oath was to say no to all alcohol and drugs forever. (Oh look I'm a good D.A.R.E. student!) But as I matured I noticed that small amounts of alcohol can be healthy and now I am purely against the altering of moods and emotions. (AKA getting drunk or wasted.) Anywho back to the story! As time went on I got several chances to break my Oath but I never did. This I credit mainly to "reverse-rebellion". My mum thought I was into drugs and alcohol. So, being the stubborn bastard that I am, I didn't do anything of that sort.

The other day Victoria and I were discussing how when a parent is not strict on a child, that child will have nothing to rebel against. When I mentioned this to my mum she replied "But some children need rules so they will know right and wrong." I think both are very good points of view and should both be integrated into the raising of a child.

2004-10-08

Water from the Sky

Homecoming football game today. I went. Really it was rather pointless, I think. Well its just hard to tell because well of course I don't watch the game. (I guess other people do... freaks.) I mainly go for social interaction.

Today Jon (my friend from Grants Pass) took me and Jeff to the game. About half way through they abandoned me to go to a party like an hour away, in the pouring rain (dumbasses.) I opted to stay at the game and get rained on. (Now I get to be the dumbass.) The game of course apart from the social interaction was a pointless waste of time. (Hey look a double negative!)

So as far as the game being pointless and my friends being dumbasses I was bored. Maybe not bored of the game (although I was.) But more bored of life. Life is so boring, the same thing day after day after day, everyday. Sure life will have moments of unboredness, but aside from those life will get boring. It inspires me to do something to end the boredness of life, like go wander the world... nevermind I think universe sounds better. So yeah it inspires me to go wander the universe and make a book of my travels. But for now I'll write a poem.

To death we travel, it matters not where we intend to go.
We will end up in the same place, a peaceful place free of chaos.
It will be our home for eternity, and we cannot object.
But we will not care, for we will not know.
All the wandering in this universe cannot avoid our final destination.
There is no Fountain of Youth or Holy Grail.
The end will come no immortal can escape.
For we will all die, we must accept it.

2004-10-07

From Pancakes to Kyoto

Today me and Ben (One of my oldest and best friends) made pancakes on the Quad for the second time this year. That was pretty fun in large amounts. I actually made the pancakes he kinda sat there and copied math homework, but it was good. I had many a people come up to me and ask for pancakes and I simply said "Go ahead." I didnt really think of it as that big of deal, even though others thought it was uber cool, and I still dont.

Pancakes are a great metaphor for something... like money lets say. So now I have to relate pancakes to money... um how about this:

When someone gives you a pancake you think how great the person is and eat it. As you eat it you cherish every syrupy bite thinking how good it is and how good the next one will be. (Unless you dont like syrup then you cherish every buttery bite, unless its plain then you're just weird.) As you finish the pancake you notice that you have no more, and wish you did.

So I guess I'm trying to say that money is cherished more with syrup and butter... I mean that you'll apperciate money while you have it, but when its all gone you'll want more, and kill for it. Money is very evil and I think should be banned.

2004-10-05

The True Me

Today I decided to follow in my cousin’s footsteps and create a blog...

The main purpose of this is really to let the general public (or whoever I feel like telling about this,) see the true me. As I was making this blog I was looking through the different page setup options and none of them really appealed to me that much... Sure there are dark ones, green ones, and light ones, but none of them fit my personality. I need something that says "I'm all dark and sinister but that doesn’t stop me from playing with kittens." So I caved and picked the one that you see today. Later I'll prolly mess with the code and see how "Evil Kitten" I can get.

So as some, many, or none of you may know I'm not the generic person I dress up everyday to be. I'm actually quite... um... un-generic? And at times I wish that not all my pants were khaki, and that I wore crazy coats, and maybe even... um... comb my hair? People never see the true "LOGAN OF DOOM" that I am.

Well this is the first installment of myself and I please stay tuned for later... um... installments?