My Head Hurts

So like I was walking around one day and I saw this sign, and it said "Hello." So I said hello and then suddenly these gray green aliens crashed into the Sahara desert, but that has nothing to do with this story. Anywho on with it! The sign that said "Hello." it was purple, but everyone thought it was yellow, because it looked yellow. So I was all like "Hello purple sign." And since I knew it was purple and not yellow it turned into this amazingly pointy dragonfly. The dragon apparently liked being a sign and continued to eat me. So like I'm in this dragonfly’s stomach and I see this big orange door. I opened the door, and inside there are all these crazy ninja guys training and killing each other. After a little bit they saw me, and I was all like "Oh shit!" Because I'm more of a pirate and everyone know that pirates and ninjas are sworn enemies. So I run and all of a sudden I fall through this trap door and like everything is dark and I'm all like "What the hell?" and I open my eyes and I'm in this forest. So I start walking north, or at least what I think is north. After like 5 minutes I found this little turtle and it bit me. I was like "Why the hell did you do that?" And the turtle was all like "Dude I'm not a turtle." So I look again and there is this massive pile of lumber that’s talking to me. Now not everyday you run into talking lumber but I figured it was pretty normal. So I build a house out of this talking lumber, figuring that if I ever get lonely living there I can always talk to the house. So I make a house but it wasn’t really a house it was actually a spaceship, so when the ninjas came I blasted off in my talking spaceship. I ended up floating through space and my spaceship stopped talking to me, I got lonely. After a month I pressed this button that I had never seen before and suddenly the world blew up. I was all like "That was cool!" so I continued to press the button over and over and over again. Nothing happened. Suddenly where the Earth used to be this big black hole opened up and sucked me in. I woke up five days later, or at least I think it was five days from what the bunny told me. And I was all not in my spaceship. So I looked around and found a tombstone, it said, "Here lay talking spaceship. Rest in..." After the "Rest in" it looked like someone was jumping into a turtle shell. I cried. I wandered around for a couple years until I came to this sign. The sign was blue and it said "Bye." and everyone thought it was red. So before I had a chance to talk to it I took out a machete and blew it up.