Damn dragons...
You may be asking why do I damn those dragons. Well frankly they get a little too big and death inducing after a point. I mean when something is twice the size of a barn and can roast an entire cow when it sneezes you have to be more then a little worried for your safety around them. But seriously do you know how many house cats’ I've lost to them? Sure they may make it look like a car hit them or something but it's pretty obvious that the dragons are just trying to cover things up. Those dragons are much craftier then we give them credit for. How many dragons have you seen this year? Like almost none! But when you're twice the size of a barn it's kind of hard to hide. But they manage it, it's hard to believe but they do. It's all because they have the power of infinity on their side. You can take an infinitely large number and put it into an infinitely small number, and it's really hard to see infinitely small things. So all the dragons have to do is find an infinitely large house to go chill in. (like that one just down the street from me and too the left... no! your other left!) And then once they're in the house they just have to go find an infinitely small whale to swallow the house. You may think that that is kind of hard but it's not... I have a couple floating around in my bottle of mineral water. (I just have to keep them away from that house...) So yeah that's how they hide, pretty crafty if you ask me.
Damn those infinitely small whales... and those dragons... and well any damn mythical creature... except for crocodiles... they're pretty cool.
2005-06-29
2005-06-27
Grim Reaper '05
Today I was able to use our new weed-eater, and well frankly it got me to thinking of what the Grim-Reaper of the future would prolly look like. So he'd have a weed-eater and he'd where a trench coat and ski mask... now that's pretty badass, but it's rather hard to kill people with a weed-eater. So he'd have a chainsaw. Now that is pure scary and deathlike screaming. But kids of our generation grew up with the likes of Freddy and Jason so we need to add some things to our new grim reaper to make sure children cower in fear... So well we're going to make his eye's glow, because glowing eyes are always scary! I mean, take a kitten, make its eye’s glow and, well, I’m not going to pet that kitty! Okay so we add glowing eyes and what else, hmmm... All right well when he walks it has to make the sound of a bag full of chains, because that sound is always scary. Now on the his trench-coat we should put some "no smoking" symbols, we all know that death won't scare a smoker but the thought of not being able to smoke sure as heel will. Now all this is scary and all, but not scary enough, so we need to think of some other things... like... um... RAINBOW SUSPENDERS! Now I’m shuddering just thinking of the new grim reaper. But what are the suspenders holding up? Only the scariest leg covering ever invented... Bell Bottoms. I admit they aren't as scary as rainbow suspenders but they certainly are scary. He needs a shirt too... or does he? Lets just have him go topless underneath the trench-coat but have a Wal-Mart smiley fact tattooed on his stomach with his nipple's making the eyes. Now I'm about to piss my pants...
So "The New Grim Reaper" is going to look like this: A guy in a trench-coat and ski mask holding a chain-saw wearing bell bottom and rainbow suspenders underneath the coat with a smiley face tattooed on his stomach and no smoking symbols all over his coat... Damn... I'm sure glad I grew up with the old grim reaper!
So "The New Grim Reaper" is going to look like this: A guy in a trench-coat and ski mask holding a chain-saw wearing bell bottom and rainbow suspenders underneath the coat with a smiley face tattooed on his stomach and no smoking symbols all over his coat... Damn... I'm sure glad I grew up with the old grim reaper!
2005-06-22
Viking are Da Shite!
I sit down to write something entertaining and the only thing I notice is my weak arms.
Concerning Vikings:
Vikings are a very resourceful group of people; they are a cross between Pirates and Scotsmen. In fact legend has it that the father of all Vikings traded a Pirate his bagpipes and kilt for a boat and a sword. (As cool as skirts are it was all in all a good trade.)
As far a lodging goes for a Viking they all sleep in boats. They follow this rule so vehemently even during their off season they are known to flip a boat over and sleep in it. (It is not uncommon to see Vikings hiking along land locked area's carrying small lifeboats for protection against the elements.)
All Vikings are required to have extremely large beards as long or commonly longer then the hair on their head. (The braided beard actually was started by a young homosexual Viking and quickly spread among the youth creating the new "in" thing.) Many believe that most all Vikings are blond but this is a common misconception, and at the same time Vikings are an exception to the dumb-blond rule. (Blond Vikings are usually the smart ones.)
A Vikings pet is naturally a very interesting thing. Unlike Pirates that have their parrots and Ninjas who have their... um Ninja Stars, Vikings will carry around any animal that they decide not to eat. But for an animal to truly be accepted tribe-wide as a pet, and not just a snack for later, they much be named. Names usually come from the area of which they were found and a species which they might be confused for. (The most famous Viking pet was Franklin the Norwegian Bobcat who was kitten house cat found in Grants Pass, Oregon.)
Viking pillaging usually consists of removing all the food and shiny things from a given area. This differs from Pirate pillaging by the fact that Vikings will commonly break things for no other reason than "It looked funny." (And after living in a boat for you entire life most other buildings look funny.)
The diet of a Viking is extremely varied and much like any teenage boy is pretty much whatever food they see. Many Viking also follow the strict rules of the "If you can chew it, eat it" diet. It has been told that on one occasion a Viking feast consisted or 12 different four legged animals all of which were natives to the small nation of Zaire.
The Viking burial is extremely ceremonious and does not just include the Viking warriors. Two of the most famous "send offs" were actually not even for great Viking warriors. The first was for Franklin the Norwegian Bobcat, who had been hit by a car and struggled for life even until the end. The Second was for Skjaldvör the wife Godric the slayer of Dragons, who demanded Godric clean the mead off of the boat walls. Skjaldvör was killed by flaming pieces of Franklins boat when it blew up in the final moment of departure.
The preceding is presently being looked over for admittance into the Encyclopedia Britannica, if you would like any more information on Vikings and their lifestyles please feel free to contact me.
Concerning Vikings:
Vikings are a very resourceful group of people; they are a cross between Pirates and Scotsmen. In fact legend has it that the father of all Vikings traded a Pirate his bagpipes and kilt for a boat and a sword. (As cool as skirts are it was all in all a good trade.)
As far a lodging goes for a Viking they all sleep in boats. They follow this rule so vehemently even during their off season they are known to flip a boat over and sleep in it. (It is not uncommon to see Vikings hiking along land locked area's carrying small lifeboats for protection against the elements.)
All Vikings are required to have extremely large beards as long or commonly longer then the hair on their head. (The braided beard actually was started by a young homosexual Viking and quickly spread among the youth creating the new "in" thing.) Many believe that most all Vikings are blond but this is a common misconception, and at the same time Vikings are an exception to the dumb-blond rule. (Blond Vikings are usually the smart ones.)
A Vikings pet is naturally a very interesting thing. Unlike Pirates that have their parrots and Ninjas who have their... um Ninja Stars, Vikings will carry around any animal that they decide not to eat. But for an animal to truly be accepted tribe-wide as a pet, and not just a snack for later, they much be named. Names usually come from the area of which they were found and a species which they might be confused for. (The most famous Viking pet was Franklin the Norwegian Bobcat who was kitten house cat found in Grants Pass, Oregon.)
Viking pillaging usually consists of removing all the food and shiny things from a given area. This differs from Pirate pillaging by the fact that Vikings will commonly break things for no other reason than "It looked funny." (And after living in a boat for you entire life most other buildings look funny.)
The diet of a Viking is extremely varied and much like any teenage boy is pretty much whatever food they see. Many Viking also follow the strict rules of the "If you can chew it, eat it" diet. It has been told that on one occasion a Viking feast consisted or 12 different four legged animals all of which were natives to the small nation of Zaire.
The Viking burial is extremely ceremonious and does not just include the Viking warriors. Two of the most famous "send offs" were actually not even for great Viking warriors. The first was for Franklin the Norwegian Bobcat, who had been hit by a car and struggled for life even until the end. The Second was for Skjaldvör the wife Godric the slayer of Dragons, who demanded Godric clean the mead off of the boat walls. Skjaldvör was killed by flaming pieces of Franklins boat when it blew up in the final moment of departure.
The preceding is presently being looked over for admittance into the Encyclopedia Britannica, if you would like any more information on Vikings and their lifestyles please feel free to contact me.
2005-06-13
My Vacation
Well I'm back from my vacation, it was fun... I didn't sleep all that much.
I have driven so much in the last week I feel as if I am more at home in a car. I was actually driving my friends Jon car more then anything. In fact I have driven that car more in the past week then I have driven my own in the past 2 months.
I've had a cold for the last week, I got it the night I graduated and just to show the cold how much I hate it I refused to change my schedule and in fact not only that but I also made severe efforts to exhaust my cold, and in the end exhausted me at the same time. It was fun!
Well I'm almost bored with this so I'm going to go get dressed and showered and stuff.
I have driven so much in the last week I feel as if I am more at home in a car. I was actually driving my friends Jon car more then anything. In fact I have driven that car more in the past week then I have driven my own in the past 2 months.
I've had a cold for the last week, I got it the night I graduated and just to show the cold how much I hate it I refused to change my schedule and in fact not only that but I also made severe efforts to exhaust my cold, and in the end exhausted me at the same time. It was fun!
Well I'm almost bored with this so I'm going to go get dressed and showered and stuff.
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