The Capitalists are Coming!

It's Halloween.

This year is the first year it hasn’t really meant anything to me. This year is also the second year I haven’t gone trck-or-treatuing. For some reason I don't care at all this year, it could be because I'm so f'ing tired today.

The last two nights I have stayed up until at least 3:30. Friday night my mom had a party. It was big... like 30+ people and like 100+ beers. Lets just say that by the end of the night I was the only sober one there. It was mainly people I work with or have met before but there were a few I didn’t know. As the sober one (and the under age person) I was in charge of driving people and watching the fire. The fire was fun, it was a big bon-fire that I made a pit for the morning of. It's pretty good size, big enough to fit pallets in. I also lined the bottom with cinder blocks, which just made it burn uber hot. (The next morning I found several melted bottles in the ashes.)

Last night, was Dungeons & Dragons night. (Yes I'm a DnD geek.) We wanted to start playing around 12:00; we started at 3:00. But the delay gave me enough time to make enchiladas. (I found out that I am able to cook... the world is doomed.) Anywho there are 3 players (including me) and a DM (Dungeon Master.) Two of the guys I've known since middle school, and I'm pretty good friends with. The third... is well... the definition of a freshman. He may be a junior, but oh my gosh... he can be so loud, naive, and annoying! I swear there is some disorder in his little head. I feel kind of bad about saying that but it's true... Anywho we role-played until 3:30. (After the time change.) It was long and exhausting but it was fun.

Well this is prolly the most boring entry I have ever written in, and I hope this will stay the most boring one...

Mazes in the Dark Have Already Been Done

Today I felt obligated to update.

For a small period of time I was thinking of leaving it at the above text. I then decided I could maybe be random for a little bit.

So today I was thinking of how strange it would be to live in the 4th dimension. I was thinking that you'd look at a part of space and would be able to see everything that has ever been there. Then someone said if you looked at someone wouldn’t you see everything they've ever been? I don’t think so because the person moves through space and time, and even though you could see both you wouldn’t see a person walking everywhere they've been but just them entering and leaving your range of view and everything they did while in your sight. Just think, if you did live in the 4th dimension then you wouldn’t have to worry about time. In theory you'd already be dead!

Another thing that came to mind is: What if you had complete awareness of your subconscious? Your subconscious is like the ultimate RAM. Everything that you've ever seen is stored there. If you had awareness of it you would be able to travel through your house in complete darkness without running into anything. As far as math goes, as soon as you saw something done you could do the same to any number or any set of numbers just by looking at them and thinking of the process. You'd probably never get confused either.

So if you had complete awareness of your subconscious and also lived in the 4th dimension... well I don’t therefore I do not have the mental capacity to evaluate what it would be like...

The Goldfish View

Apparently I'm a poet. Sure it’s not a bad thing, but how useful is it? I can't go out on a street and recite it to people for money. (I could but then the police would prolly come as escort me elsewhere.) I see no real point in being a good poet. How hard is it to throw together a couple words that mean absolutely nothing to you but the world to everyone else? I mean I can write a poem about anything...

Goldfish have no use,
They swim like they do not care for anything else.
Never even caring that they are in a cage no bigger then a humans head.
They are drones, programmed to survive.
Let us take their example,
Let us eat, drink, and be merry.

I mean how f'ing hard was that? It wasn’t! Then again that’s prolly a bad poem but the fact remains, poetry is easy! Anyone can emulate a poet.

To be a good poet nowadays I think it would help to only read newspapers, and boring textbooks. If you follow that one of two outcomes can occur. One, your poems are so boring by the end no one is awake to dislike them. Or, two, your creative sense is going into overdrive due to the lack of interesting works and thus makes your poetry uber good.

My name was never important.
I will be gone before you notice I was here.
You have ignored my existence for more then long enough.
By the time you have a chance to look again I will be gone.
When I'm gone you'll notice the emptiness but not know what is missing.
Tonight is my departure but you don't know.
People will ask and only you will know the answer.
I have left, gone forever.

Senior Images

I got my senior pics...
If you want to see them here you go!
http://homepage.mac.com/bryondevore/logan/
The password is: 100604

Pizza for the Masses

Why are people evil? Some say we are born with good and evil already inside us. Still others that experience will drive the different values out. And still others believe that people choose to be evil. I, for one, do not know. I would like to think that no one would do it by choice, but I know that may not be true. I believe the most understandable reason is that experiences’ drives it out of people. An eye for an eye, right? So it takes a miserable life to ruin someone else’s... It is believable but still might not be true, I know a number of people that have had horrible lives yet are still uber nice. So that leaves the idea of everyone being born with good and evil already inside us. I guess this could be true... I mean it makes sense... But what happens when someone who is inherently good is raised being told it's all right to steal things? Would that person still be good out of ignorance? It is a confusing matter and should be pondered... I'd opt for the fourth theory: This reality is of no entertaining use to us anymore. Not necessarily for everyone, but for those who don't fear punishment and don't have goals. (I know I sound like an inspirational speaker...) If you've already done everything you've wanted to do then what can anybody take away from you? Honestly I just made this all up but it does have relevance. Then there are also the ignorant... Oh what gift ignorance is! If there is no law (that you know of) then how can you break it? You will break it, but the fact is you won’t have any moral repercussions since you don’t know about the severity. What can you say for them, are they good or evil?

Well right now I feel like I'm ranting and contradicting myself or something. Anywho I don’t think I agree with most anything I said... I'm going to go have some pizza... Pizza solves everything...

Wired for Driving Off Cliffs

I'm tired of my schedule. Wake up go to school, come home and sit around my computer for a bit. Every once in a bit I'll throw some Frisbee into the schedule, (haha that was punny,) but apart from that it’s the same thing.

Last week I ventured away from the norm. I planned a trip up to Jon's after school one day. Jeff said it was really weird to see me so motivated to do something, I said I only get motivated when I'm pissed off. The trip was pretty fun, beside the fact that we got lost and I almost drove off a cliff, but fun nonetheless. On our way there we stopped and got 6 energy drinks, I drank 3 of them, they were the ones with two servings in one can... by the time I went to bed the next day, adding into account all the chemicals from the drinks and the lack of sleep, I was so drugged up! It wasn’t too bad I could act stranger (a plus,) yet concentrating on anything was almost impossible. I'd go to double click on an icon and then the cat would distract me before I could click twice. It was fun.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is... well I don’t know what I'm trying to say so please interpret for yourself and loved ones.

The Bowels of Hell

I hate work. Well not work in general, although that does harbor a great amount of unfriendly feelings, but my Job. I wash dishes for a paycheck. (Not a living, because my mum takes care of that.) Washing dishes gets so tedious, the same thing over and over; wash the plates then put them away. I hate it. The people I work with all have attitudes and emotions of a high school student. The problem? I may be a high school student, but I don’t conform to the normal attitude of one. It's sad; at times I feel so much more mature then them since I don’t laugh when someone refers to walnuts.

When I'm at work I almost always think about how much I hate it. This may be part as to why I hate it so much but there is no avoiding it. Many times a day I'll think to myself how much I wish the knife would slip and just cut off my finger so I wouldn’t have to work for a few days. It has actually been so bad that one day when I had a headache, I thought that the place where it hurt would be the perfect place to put a gun. Don't get me wrong, I would never kill myself, but that is just how much I hate work.

It's very hard for me to bring myself to quit. I hate the job, but I can’t do it. For some reason I've convinced myself that I have to keep a job. I never bother to think about how long the 6.5k in the bank will last me if I decide to stop working for a while. I theory I have looked for other jobs (more like "job") but it has yielded nothing. At times I forget how much money I make compared to my friends, and then I say, "I don’t care I'd work any other job for a lot less money."

In the end I go back no matter how I feel. I blame my mum for such great work ethic.

It Doesn't Matter

What is the point of us being on this planet? If you look at it as humans just being another creature, then the answer is to survive.

The real question is not "Why are we here?" but "Why do we stay here?" And to that question you could say because we have nowhere else to go. You could of course argue that we could all kill ourselves and then we'd be somewhere else, but I don’t think that would go over too well with the rest of the world. I think the reason why we don’t just kill ourselves is not the fear of death but the uncertainty of our after-lives. How many of us actually know where we go after we die? (And no I don’t mean the ground.) Sure many people will stand up and tell me that they are going to heaven or they will be reincarnated, but do they have proof? And I know that many of even those people have a small shadow of doubt in their hearts, terrified that they might not be right. As for me I believe I might be ready (don't worry I wont kill myself) I don’t necessarily know but then again I frankly don’t give a crap about what does happen to me, I wont mind, I'll be dead.

Emotion

As he sits there in his old, green, corduroy, computer chair, he ponders his emotions. The way they work, how they make him feel. He pokes at them with his mind, as if it was a rotting carcass of a dead animal on the side of the road. He starts crying. He has no reason to; it is just the emotion that surfaced to his consciousness, like a whale breeching for air. As he cries he thinks of all the reasons he should and realizes it is but a waste of tears and energy. He goes back to his thought on emotion. This time he pulls it, like a needle and thread through a thick, coarse fabric. He punches his computer. The feeling makes small prickling sensations course through his body at the beat of his heart, burning as they go, enraging him. He thinks once more and the burning leaves his body. Once more he goes back to his focus on the mass of emotions. He squeezes it, like you would a loved ones hand. A warm, fury, almost beautiful feeling fills his abdomen and slowly branches out into other parts of his body, toward the very tips of his fingers, warming him as they travel. He smiles. He focuses on this emotion more until he can hardly keep his body still from the joy that it creates. He laughs. Still focusing on this feeling drawing out every last ounce of his physical emotion, like a bird of prey taking to flight. He sings. He then lets the feeling go, like a leaf is blown in to the wind, it flutters all about as it travels further and further away. The emotion is now a memory, to be kept in a magnificent library along with thousands of other works all stored for easy access, ready for when the time calls for them. He sits now, in his old, green, computer chair, staring blankly at the computer screen.

The Oath

Today I found out that my little sister was caught drinking. Nothing really new to me, I mean I've known about it for a few months now. My mum didn't react as bad as she did toward Mariah (older sister) or at least it didn’t seem like she did. Well then again when my mum found out about Mariah I was home and heard the shouting, it might have been the same for Victoria. Mariah was 18 when my mum found out; Victoria is 15, which might have something to do with punishments. I personally have taken an oath to not let foreign chemicals or poisons drastically alter my moods and thoughts.

This Oath that I took I thought was mainly enacted by myself due to the fact that alcoholism and drug abuse runs in my family. (Alcoholism on both sides, drug abuse by my dad.) At first my Oath was to say no to all alcohol and drugs forever. (Oh look I'm a good D.A.R.E. student!) But as I matured I noticed that small amounts of alcohol can be healthy and now I am purely against the altering of moods and emotions. (AKA getting drunk or wasted.) Anywho back to the story! As time went on I got several chances to break my Oath but I never did. This I credit mainly to "reverse-rebellion". My mum thought I was into drugs and alcohol. So, being the stubborn bastard that I am, I didn't do anything of that sort.

The other day Victoria and I were discussing how when a parent is not strict on a child, that child will have nothing to rebel against. When I mentioned this to my mum she replied "But some children need rules so they will know right and wrong." I think both are very good points of view and should both be integrated into the raising of a child.

Water from the Sky

Homecoming football game today. I went. Really it was rather pointless, I think. Well its just hard to tell because well of course I don't watch the game. (I guess other people do... freaks.) I mainly go for social interaction.

Today Jon (my friend from Grants Pass) took me and Jeff to the game. About half way through they abandoned me to go to a party like an hour away, in the pouring rain (dumbasses.) I opted to stay at the game and get rained on. (Now I get to be the dumbass.) The game of course apart from the social interaction was a pointless waste of time. (Hey look a double negative!)

So as far as the game being pointless and my friends being dumbasses I was bored. Maybe not bored of the game (although I was.) But more bored of life. Life is so boring, the same thing day after day after day, everyday. Sure life will have moments of unboredness, but aside from those life will get boring. It inspires me to do something to end the boredness of life, like go wander the world... nevermind I think universe sounds better. So yeah it inspires me to go wander the universe and make a book of my travels. But for now I'll write a poem.

To death we travel, it matters not where we intend to go.
We will end up in the same place, a peaceful place free of chaos.
It will be our home for eternity, and we cannot object.
But we will not care, for we will not know.
All the wandering in this universe cannot avoid our final destination.
There is no Fountain of Youth or Holy Grail.
The end will come no immortal can escape.
For we will all die, we must accept it.

From Pancakes to Kyoto

Today me and Ben (One of my oldest and best friends) made pancakes on the Quad for the second time this year. That was pretty fun in large amounts. I actually made the pancakes he kinda sat there and copied math homework, but it was good. I had many a people come up to me and ask for pancakes and I simply said "Go ahead." I didnt really think of it as that big of deal, even though others thought it was uber cool, and I still dont.

Pancakes are a great metaphor for something... like money lets say. So now I have to relate pancakes to money... um how about this:

When someone gives you a pancake you think how great the person is and eat it. As you eat it you cherish every syrupy bite thinking how good it is and how good the next one will be. (Unless you dont like syrup then you cherish every buttery bite, unless its plain then you're just weird.) As you finish the pancake you notice that you have no more, and wish you did.

So I guess I'm trying to say that money is cherished more with syrup and butter... I mean that you'll apperciate money while you have it, but when its all gone you'll want more, and kill for it. Money is very evil and I think should be banned.

The True Me

Today I decided to follow in my cousin’s footsteps and create a blog...

The main purpose of this is really to let the general public (or whoever I feel like telling about this,) see the true me. As I was making this blog I was looking through the different page setup options and none of them really appealed to me that much... Sure there are dark ones, green ones, and light ones, but none of them fit my personality. I need something that says "I'm all dark and sinister but that doesn’t stop me from playing with kittens." So I caved and picked the one that you see today. Later I'll prolly mess with the code and see how "Evil Kitten" I can get.

So as some, many, or none of you may know I'm not the generic person I dress up everyday to be. I'm actually quite... um... un-generic? And at times I wish that not all my pants were khaki, and that I wore crazy coats, and maybe even... um... comb my hair? People never see the true "LOGAN OF DOOM" that I am.

Well this is the first installment of myself and I please stay tuned for later... um... installments?