Hello, My Name is Logan.

Life sucks.

Tick Tock

I greatly enjoy the freedom of movement. I feel at so much more ease while in transit, whether it's walking or driving. To me I seem more talkative while performing tasks such as these. It really is mind-boggling. But it makes sense, makes sense as to why I like walking, why I am most lonely when driving alone, why I'm shy when sitting in one spot.

The whole "lonely driver" thing makes a lot of sense to me, when I'm walking alone I really don't need to focus on anything and can talk to myself or think of my own little entertaining things. Whereas, when I'm driving alone my thoughts are focused for the task at hand, driving. I become so focused that all my little entertaining thoughts disappear and let me have a one on one rub up with my true tortured soul.

As far as the whole being shy while sitting thing, I think that comes from how fidgety I am. When I'm walking or driving I have things that I'm doing to distract my hands. But while I'm sitting I don't so much and end up focusing on them more then the conversation at hand.

Yeah I know this is kind of random.

Blender

As the boy walks into the kitchen he flips on the light. The room is a mess, bottles and beer cans everywhere, dirty dishes piling up in the sink. He walks over to one of the counters that is rather void of any real obstructions. He takes the blender out of the door less cupboard above and rinses out the thick brown mush sticking like gum to the inside of it. As he walks around the kitchen he gathers a few canned food item of varying sizes from here and there. As he opens the different can's he laughs, identifying each with an emotion. Peaches for happiness, chocolate syrup for sadness, ravioli's for confusion, tuna for loneliness, and lastly, a can of shrimp, for death. As he puts the dirty top of the blender on he thinks back to his childhood to the memories of how his tongue swelled up and almost chocked him to death the last time he ate shrimp. He slowly presses each of the speed settings on the blender down the line to the end at liquefy. He stares at the blender, watching the food being slowly pureed into a slush of food and sea crustaceans. He finds a semi clean glass, not that it matters much but much more from a force of habit. He poured the dark gray slush into the semi clean glass thinking of how much thicker the gray slush is than blood. The tall glass looms in front of him, he knows that half the glass should make him through up. His hand slowly moves the glass to his lips and delivers the poisonous mixture. As the warm thick liquid flows down his throat it almost seems like there is nothing there besides the occasional drips on his dark blue tee shirt. He sets the empty glass down and can feel his throat begin to itch, he knows it is a matter of minutes until he will be blissfully asleep.

Beautiful Day

Lalalalala!

For some odd reason I'm really rather happy today. I don't know why since the highlight of last night was having the cops bust the party I was at and then getting ditched by my friends.

So yeah I'm at this party and it's getting waaaaaaaaaaaay out of hand, like there are people breaking glasses on the street. Anyways at about 11 someone yells that the cops are there. So like all these drunken people go running everywhere, while me and a few other sober people just play it cool. After a bit everyone hides in the garage and gets caught. (Idiots.) So me and the other two sober kids walk outside and hang out with the cops for a little bit while they give us a talk about responsible drinking. (To the sober kids mind you.)

I didn't have a car there so I had to hitch with a friend. So he take's me and a couple others to this random chicks house that I don't even know. So we all go up stairs and sit on this random bed and everyone leaves, except me and this other sober girl. This girl and I are sitting there when the owner of the bed come and tells us we need to leave. Since our friends left without telling us all we could really do was sit on a curb for like 20 minutes. Eventually our friends came back and took us home.

It was a almost random night.

Life as a Fly on the Wall

Socially, I've pretty much given up. I've finally admited there is no place for me and no one for me. I'm totally fine at being an outcast, so why not also step out of the way for others that would prefer the places I have so aquired in life, I musn't have any use for them if I am to be an outcast. Hell those girls that always wanted my lunch table, well I'm the only one using it, might as well give it to them. Actually being outcast isn't all that bad, there are a few perks, like nobody knows/cares who you are, you're never noticed. Hell! I could prolly walk naked through the commons and no one would notice me! I know this is all just sarcastic complaining but who else would I complain to? I'm an outcast, remember, I have no friends. I don't care anymore. Why should I even care about succeding and going to college? I might as well just go sit somewhere and rot until someone throw's me out because the smell.

Screw this.

Put the Fire Outside

Last night I went to a bonfire, as much as I like bonfires this one was alright at best. It consisted more of people that I'd never hang out with on any other occasion.

The funny thing is that if I look back at my social evolution I could very well have ended up in that group. A majority of my "Friends" are in the "popular" group. And you may think does that group have to do with the amount of money you have or the stuff you have? The answer is yes and no. You don't need the stuff to be in there, but if you want to be at the higher end of that group all that matters is how much your cell phone cost, what kind of car you drive and what clothes you wear. As bad as it seems I think that those things define almost any group, whether you wear all black or tight shirts and letterman jackets. Sure the groups claim that anyone can hang out with them but will it really happen if your clothes don't match?

As far as I go I like to think of me as the drifting outsider. Everyone knows me but no one talks to me. I sit at lunch alone and no body notices. I can easily go into any group at make joke with them but I'll never stay for long. I'm the lonely wanderer.

Live to be Alive

Death is such a common subject, sometimes you must really block it out of your thought. Among teenagers it is just a thing that rushes by and no one really cares unless they knew the deceased. This doesn't help when they wish to take their own lives. Teens are dreadfully uninformed about suicide and the fact that there is nothing after this life. Sure maybe that appeals to some but they should still think of who they affect, and who they influenced. At times a smile could sway someone's decision. But as easy as it is to sway someone from suicide it is just as easy to push someone, a few misguided words could mess with someone's day (or week even week.) You may not think you care about one of your unknown peers taking their own life, but you would care if it ends up that you helped in the process. Sometimes just asking if someone's okay can change their life. They may not want to talk but when they know someone cares their life could mean a lot more to them.

Always assume the worse, that way things can only get better.

Sleep is for the Weak

Happy Febuary!

So how is everyone? I'm all right I guess, I think it is time to look back on January and reflect. Well yeah... hmmm... not much to reflect on. Maybe this is a sign that I should have more death in my life. No not the dieing kind of death but the near-death-experience-kind-of-death. It’s such a useful type of thing. First it puts your life into perspective, second it makes a cool story, and third... well I'm sure there's something you could put in here.

Have you ever had a near life experience? I think I might have had a few... They most commonly happen right after near death experiences... I don't think they’re as fun though. They just make you appreciate life more.

A near sleep experience is more fun though... Mainly because you're speaking a lot more nonsense!