2007-10-27

How many voices are there?

Sure he's had a couple drinks, but just look at his eyes... They're truthful. You know he will never tell you a lie. But is that the salesman inside of himself? Yes quite perhaps, his eyes are made to drill into your head. But you know how he feels about you don't you? Well perhaps, maybe, I really don't know anymore. I don't blame you, he can't tell either, and it’s been quite surprisingly hard on him. I mean, look at his eyes, do those look like eyes that sleep well? Are you saying he traveled 1500 miles to sleep restlessly? No, not just for that, but to get a new start. The restlessness at night is just a cruel side effect of leaving everything in another state. Does he seem like he has before? I really can't tell, he's a new person, he could be close to death over this situation and he'd still smile, he really has no fears. Isn't that dangerous? Well, yes but he doesn't care. I think he's ready for death. If he were to die right now he could go only feeling bad for the people he left behind. But isn't that just wrong to want to die? Well, he doesn't want to die, he just could tolerate it right now, and while he's alive he wants to live like he is alive. But he isn't living like that right now. True, but he wants to, he wants to be truly happy all the time, not just a facade that he puts on whenever he needs to deal with people. Well that seems like a kind of crumby situation. It is, but he manages, in a short while he will truly settle in and things should go smoothly until he wants to mess shit up again. That really does sound like him, can't be content with anything, for contentment is acceptance, and acceptance means you've given up. Maybe that is true, but I think he's really only looking for a place that he can tolerate for more than a short period of time. Damn he tastes of beer, I'll never get used to that. No worries, it's better then the rum he will burp up for hours on end. True, but he never drank before. Like I said, he's a completely different person now he does everything differently. He lives, he loves, and he sleeps, all differently. Did you notice his stomach has gotten so much smaller? He really is different, but not so much, he still has the same outlets, he still hates being alone. True, but those are things he uses for comfort, or at least things he uses to seek comfort. What about her? Like I was saying before, he's confused about her. He’ll be glad if he so much as talks to her. Is it really that bad between them? Well it's not bad, just confusing. Bitter sweet to say. He craves her but doesn't know if that's what he wants anymore. Confusing isn't it? It's only because he can't read her. But what's that to matter? If it will work it won't matter. Yes, but he is just afraid. He may not have any true fears, but this, girls, they make him squirm. It's sad really. He's getting tired; let us go narrate his dreams.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Logan- you told her you were not moving here for her.
she had told you that she was not looking for any type of relationship.
why?

kabuku6 said...

I didn't move her for her... As I told her her, she's one of several small reasons, but never one that would have tipped the boat in either direction. I needed a new start here, and sadly it's a slow start.

She did tell me. And I don't expect anything more but for her to be a friend. Sure it would be nice for more, but as long as I have someone to talk to I'm more then happy.