Tripping on Life

People ask me about my trip, so I tell them about it. I'm going around the world, starting in Ireland and finishing in Japan. I tell them how long it is going to take and, if they ask, the order in which I'm going to visit all the countries. Most people get excited, as if they were going to be right there with me, and then they ask how I feel about it. When they here my answer I think they hate me more then any one thing they have ever known. My answer is this: I am absolutely disgusted by my trip. For most people they need to know why, mainly because they are much more excited about it then I am, and my only answer is: I don't know. When I say that I'm usually laughing, only because I can actually hear myself, but due to the laughing people don't know if they should take me seriously or not.

Who knows, it may not be my trip, it may just be my life. But truly where does one stop and the other begin? It seems as if my trip is becoming my life, and quite frankly in less then three months it will be my life. Maybe I'm in a transit period, one where I still hate my old life but my new life has yet to start producing things that I should appreciate.

Then again I could be looking at this all wrong... maybe I am really just lonely, maybe I realize this and also realize that by going on this trip I'm going to be lonely for the next six months of my life. Maybe I don't want to go around the world by myself, perhaps I am actually afraid of it. This could be a little voice inside me saying that I still fear the end, whichever end I may create. Maybe this is suicide.