Viking are Da Shite!

I sit down to write something entertaining and the only thing I notice is my weak arms.

Concerning Vikings:

Vikings are a very resourceful group of people; they are a cross between Pirates and Scotsmen. In fact legend has it that the father of all Vikings traded a Pirate his bagpipes and kilt for a boat and a sword. (As cool as skirts are it was all in all a good trade.)

As far a lodging goes for a Viking they all sleep in boats. They follow this rule so vehemently even during their off season they are known to flip a boat over and sleep in it. (It is not uncommon to see Vikings hiking along land locked area's carrying small lifeboats for protection against the elements.)

All Vikings are required to have extremely large beards as long or commonly longer then the hair on their head. (The braided beard actually was started by a young homosexual Viking and quickly spread among the youth creating the new "in" thing.) Many believe that most all Vikings are blond but this is a common misconception, and at the same time Vikings are an exception to the dumb-blond rule. (Blond Vikings are usually the smart ones.)

A Vikings pet is naturally a very interesting thing. Unlike Pirates that have their parrots and Ninjas who have their... um Ninja Stars, Vikings will carry around any animal that they decide not to eat. But for an animal to truly be accepted tribe-wide as a pet, and not just a snack for later, they much be named. Names usually come from the area of which they were found and a species which they might be confused for. (The most famous Viking pet was Franklin the Norwegian Bobcat who was kitten house cat found in Grants Pass, Oregon.)

Viking pillaging usually consists of removing all the food and shiny things from a given area. This differs from Pirate pillaging by the fact that Vikings will commonly break things for no other reason than "It looked funny." (And after living in a boat for you entire life most other buildings look funny.)

The diet of a Viking is extremely varied and much like any teenage boy is pretty much whatever food they see. Many Viking also follow the strict rules of the "If you can chew it, eat it" diet. It has been told that on one occasion a Viking feast consisted or 12 different four legged animals all of which were natives to the small nation of Zaire.

The Viking burial is extremely ceremonious and does not just include the Viking warriors. Two of the most famous "send offs" were actually not even for great Viking warriors. The first was for Franklin the Norwegian Bobcat, who had been hit by a car and struggled for life even until the end. The Second was for Skjaldvör the wife Godric the slayer of Dragons, who demanded Godric clean the mead off of the boat walls. Skjaldvör was killed by flaming pieces of Franklins boat when it blew up in the final moment of departure.

The preceding is presently being looked over for admittance into the Encyclopedia Britannica, if you would like any more information on Vikings and their lifestyles please feel free to contact me.