Inadequacy overcomes me. I feel as if I can not be the person people want me to be. And I know that is complete and utter bullshit. I need to be who I want me to be, but I only want to make those around me happy. I can't do it. I've even resorted to not going out of my way for those people who are a little further from me, and trying to only appease my close friends. But even then I feel so much less. I feel like it's not me. I don't know what to do, I'm worried that the real me is horrible. I'm worried that I won't even like the real me. I don't know what I want to do, I'm not sure where I need to go. All I know is that I need to know.
I look at what I just wrote and all I can see is "I"... That makes no sense to me, I've never been "I" I've always been him, or not even written at all, just a tragic undertone for you to twist out of the deeper message. Writing about "I" is so weird, makes me feel so afraid. Just the fact that people will know what I'm actually feeling is scary. Have I always been this closed?
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Life can be tough, grueling, happy, and sometimes it'll even kick you in the nuts.
2 comments:
dHey, Logan, listen.
The people who matter (the people in your life who truly care about you) should not expect you to be anyone or anything but yourself. If you can start with that, rather than with trying to make others happy, everyone will find some happiness in the end. Start with appeasing yourself, and those who care about you will eventually be appeased also. Sometimes it can be nearly impossible to make anyone else happy if you don't take care of your own needs first and foremost. Haven't you been telling me lately that its ok that I don't have things figured out right now? I think the same applies to you. Sure, we all long for direction, self-discovery, etc., but developing these thins is a life-long process, not something that can happen overnight. It is part of the human condition to feel lost.
I know we haven't known each other that long, but the pieces of you that I have seen are in NO way inadequit (sure, I haven't seen much, but I'm usually really good at reading into people). You know I'm a big fan. If there is anything I can do to help you take care of you, you know I'll happily do it. Travel, no travel, talking, no talking, whatever you think is best for YOU.
By the way, I loved reading your travel blog...and I'm sorry if you didn't intend me to find the link to this one, but I'm glad I did so that I could say this. Wish I could give you a big hug.
<3Jewel
(Hmm...those are my two cents, anyway. Or like eighty.)
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