Blank White

As I sit here staring at my blank white ceiling,
Why am I existing in this melencholy world of mortals?
Day to pointless day watching disgustingly happy people walk to and fro.
I ask for Heaven,
Heaven has no need for someone as dangerously undetermined as I.
I settle for Hell,
Hell doesn't want anybody with such adimintine thoughts that I posses.
I live in this world,
This world of death and decay,
This world of hope and joy.
Here I am forever abandoned in this lonely paradise.
Is there nothing I shouldn't desire here?
Nothing I should not want?
My ancient life is in this world of newborns,
I struggle everyday to keep my miserable place,
As I wrestle with wanting to fly.
I am friendly.
I am deadly.