An alternative for suicide. I don't plan on coming back; I've already begun thinking about all my stuff to give away. It all makes so much sense as of late. When I planned this trip I was suicidal, the trip is insanity, dangerous, and apparently I hope I don't make it. It's been an underlining emotion for way to long, dormant as to my perception. I never put it into my thoughts but it's always been there, hiding, trying to evade my detection, and the detection of others. I've just now seen it, through my depression, through my plans, through my thoughts. I've always said that I wanted to be gone for longer, who would have thought longer meant forever? I now see places in my trip where I will get killed for the money that I have, I will get killed for just the supplies you'll be able to recover off of my dead body. And does that scare me? Nope, I know these things and I'm not afraid because I've been wanting to die. This sounds horrible, but is it really that far off from the truth?
I need something to come back to, something to drive me through insanity and depression. But what do I have? Nothing. I feel like there is nothing for me. I don't know what there is.
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Life can be tough, grueling, happy, and sometimes it'll even kick you in the nuts.
7 comments:
Logan. For God's sake. You are not going to die. plenty of people do what you are going to do and DON'T DIE. If you are smart and careful, then you will be fine. and i believe i have said this before, but you need help. help you can't get from me or anybody our own age. you NEED to talk to someone. and by someone, i mean someone with a PhD. and if this person tells you to take medicine, then go to someone else. and if that doesn't work, then keep looking. just don't give up! PLEASE! You DO have something to live for. it's called life. and it's beautiful and you dont' know how heartbreaking it is to me that you can't see that.
that was me, Meredith by the way.
I totally agree with Merredith! You do need to talk to someone with a PhD. I care about you Logan and I don't like reading things like this! I don't want you to die, and please don't give up. I will always be there to talk to you whenever I can if you need it but you really have to talk to someone who knows how to deal with all this kind of stuff. And you have lots to live for, for starters like merrie said life, and your future, your friends, your family you have 3 sisters your mom your dad and there is even going to be a baby really soon. You have to realize that the baby is going to look up to you and that you are going to prob. be the main male figure in its life. My older brother ment the world to me, he was basicaly my father and my brother all at the same time. And when he died I was so heart broken because I lost one of the most important people in my life. Just think about positive things Ok....... Please, If you don't want to live for yourself than at least live for someone else and then maybe you will realize how important you really are to all of us! I love you and I will carea about you always no matter what you say or do!
You always complain about no one leaving you a comment but you don't say anything to these ones
the main reason I don't respond to them in here is because I respond to them over instant messages or on the tele. And could you please sign your posts? I'm guessing this is BJ.
Yes it was Bj, I called you after I wrote this then why did you not say anything about it then?
Because I didn't want to talk to you about it. And you asked no questions.
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