~chainsaws it all

There is just a little bit too much tension between the two of us, I'd really like for it to subside, but what kind of tension would it be?

I just wish you'd kiss me, or let me kiss you for that matter. I don't know what you want and that would be all I would need. You'd be able to figure it out depending on the kiss.

I'd love for you to yell at me, tell me to leave, get everything out on the floor. For you to tell me that my life is a waste and that my dreams will get me nowhere. Just do it, I need the push, see if I even bother to come around for dinner.

What do you really want? You say one thing, and then do another, I don't mind but like I said it creates tension. I may not be around for much longer but I'd still like to let you know just how I feel.

I really don't need to listen to any of it at all; do you understand why I stay out so late? Why when I am around I sit quietly trying my best to avoid detection. You really don't get what I need, or what I want.

Bottoms up, a miserable way to deal with it all but as long as I disguise it as having a fun time with friends I won't be that bad off.

Looking Forward

Out on the edge of forever, at any moment getting ready to race down into it, being able to see nothing but trees with expanses far beyond. What am I to do? Race of course; plummet into the darkness, knowing that I will survive only if I believe it. So I will. I will not just survive I will prosper, I will look back and realize that the life that just flashed before me was not what I expected at any point before then, it was amazing...

So back we come to moments before the plunge, trying to imagine how it will all turn out. We can't know; if we did it wouldn't be living

Hawaiian Shirts

There I was, just sitting there thinking of how great I'd look in a 1940's Hawaiian shirt. Not just the shirt I'd say but also maybe some leather strap sandals and rugged khaki shorts that came to just below the knees. On my head I'm wearing a pair of gun metal aviators with lens that would be just a hair too large for anyone else. A hat? I've never looked good in baseball caps and a safari hat would be a little cliche. More then likely the hair that I have right now a little rugged, but not out of control. Clean shaven surprisingly somehow. And there I am in the market, I think the small lady is Indonesian could be Malaysian though, it doesn't matter too much the fact is it's a small market and I'm buying bananas for a price that would be unheard of in a developed nation. And there it is, the ocean, bright blue waters, with a beach that looks like something out of one of those movies, you know, palm trees and thatched huts. This is where I'm supposed to be, without a care in the world.