I am not the person I once was

I had an especially odd feeling today, the feeling of change.

Some times we take for granted living in the now, living in a state of mind that we don't think about the past and we ignore what is happening.

Two years ago I crashed a car, one year ago I was getting ready to board a flight for New Zealand. This year I'm just sitting here having a relatively unmemorable holiday.

I am so far away from where I was the last two years, as a person I have changed immensely and can look back at some of the decisions I made and make better ones today.

I've also been dating myself. It seems like everyday I'm picking up a shirt or seeing a Friend and thinking "I've had this shirt since High school, it 7 years old." or "We've known each other since middle school, that's like 10 years." Its odd to think about how fast all this time has gone by. Back in school if I would have heard 10 years from now I'd be drinking beer with so and so, I would have chuckled and said yeah, okay, how far away that is. But in all reality its not that far off, and in 10 years i hope to be drinking beer with the same person.

Change and time are both rather interesting things.

Fatigue

Fatigue.
This feeling was once loved of me, I felt like I was so close to being invincible just by being tired.
I can't do it anymore, it gets late and my eyes start to sink, I can feel sleep knocking and I know that would be nice to answer.

Perhaps I have no more good reasons to be awake, to keep myself going.
I don't know I could make a lot of bad connections to this, but for the time being I think I will just fade off to sleep.

The buildings that we call poems.

Where are we?
On this planet,
in this town.
Without a hope for peace.

This is a sad day,
one of regrets and chaos,
one that means absolutely nothing in the end.

Flowers will cry.
Stars will create life
within their explosions.
We will fall down.

Let us rise against
those who surpress us,
the ones that try to make us hungry
for false informatiion and sex.
We can be heard.

I will be just as quiet
as those stars,
those flowers,
those falls.

This is all.

Do you ever wonder about your destiny? Wonder what’s actually going on? Here I am, I’ve been told most of my life that I’m different. That I’m special, that I do things differently. But why? Is it the same usual bullshit someone will tell you when they want you to feel better about your shortcomings? Or is it actual truth? Am I really that special of a person?

I will admit I feel special, but I also feel that everyone wants to feel special in some way or another. I mean who wants to be “normal”? I felt like that for a long while, but then at the same time I have a lot of people telling me things like “I’m always glad to be around you” and “I’m happy you’re you” Now this could be just general compliments, but when it comes from people that may not have the most “normal” views on life it makes me feel like there might actually be something to all this bullshit “good” feelings. Maybe I am just a weirdo.

That is all.