2007-07-16

Goats go to Heaven

I have no will.

I'm completely governed by the environment around me; by the way people talk to me. I have no self-motivation, or desire to live. I am here purely to entertain those around me. To make them feel nice, to do things for them. I will always go with the crowd, not because it is the "in" thing to do, but purely because I leech off of the hive mind. I don't participate in the thinking, nor do I even enjoy the decisions. I am just a leech on the outside, holding on for dear life because I know nothing else. And even when I do know what's better, I can't release myself from the link that is keeping me what I think is sane. I have no self identity, only that which others tag to me, and I do not argue or defend, I mold to what they think of me. I am not just a sheep, but a lamb.

1 comment:

Corinna AKA Corinna said...

I used to feel similarly... maybe not that I didn't have my own identity, but that I was only around to make other people feel good about themselves, and that it didn't matter how I felt. But then it got better, and so I think it will get better for you.