Kirbu

Concerning the small fluffy animals:

The small fluffy animals are actually known as kirbu. Kirbu grow to be about two and a half feet long (including prehensile tail) and stand at a height of about eight inches tall. Their fur ranges in length from little over quarter inch to a full two inches long. (The longest fur on a kirbu recorded was a full three and a half inches long.) The color of a kirbu ranges from dark jet black all the way to a vivid forest green. (In colorful environments the kirbu has actually been known to take on colors unknown to it's natural environments such as reds and blues.) Patterns on kirbus are fairly common usually consisting of random blotches of a secondary color, although some more ordered patterns are not uncommon. The ears of a kirbu are much like that of a rabbit.

Kirbu can be naturally seen in almost any environment in which the Loki tree grows. (Their primary food source, which happens to only grow in the greater Saladish area.) After humans colonized the greater Saladish area they brought the Choocusco vine with them. The vine is considered a weed among many people and they were extremely glad to see the kirbus eating the vine just as fast as it grew. Do to this new food source that humans seemingly controlled it helped greatly in the domestication of the kirbu.

Known predators of the kirbu consist almost entirely of the giant Cocklespoon, although the domesticated kirbu need not worry of this threat since the giant Cocklespoons are deathly afraid of the human settlements. The lead killer of the common domesticated kirbu is the dangerous Jiggu Rot. Jiggu Rot is a highly infectious disease that attacks the kirbu’s respiratory system and slowly destroys its lungs. Untreated the survival rate is well under 20 percent, but if Jiggu Rot is caught in the early stages and properly treated the survival rate is boosted to a 78 percent. Through recent bursts in the veterinary medical field there is now an immunization you can get for your young kirbu that will protect them against Jiggu Rot through the rest of their natural lives. (Jiggu Rot cannot be spread to Humans.)

One of the more interesting things about the kirbu is that much like the common parrot and other birds it can imitate the human voice. The natural sound a Kirbu makes is much like that of a disgruntled mole, although it is an extremely good imitator of other animal sounds.

Please spay and neuter your kirbu.

Giant Cocklespoons

Work sucks out my will to live. I'm quite serious too. There are some days when I completely surrender myself to the world for a few hours hopping that by letting down my guard something will maim me in such a way I won't have to deal with any shit for the next very long time.

The biggest problem with my work is that it fuels the trip I wish to take. But in doing that it sucks out my will to live. And well truly my trip should be replenishing my will to live but since it is still so far off it only replenishes my will to live at a much slower rate then work destroys it. The only thing that really keeps me going is the two measly days I get between my regular weeks at standing stone.

After the fall of the Saladish Empire the majority of the small fluffy animals fled to the nearby valley of Flowderfloon. While the Flowderfloonians greatly enjoyed the presence of the small fluffy animals they did not enjoy the giant cocklespoons that hunted the small fluffy animals for food.

Look what I made...

The End of America?

I think the end of the world is coming. People actually have started to call me Jesus. Knowing me that is really just scary, but how bad can it really be? Maybe I should use my resemblance of him to start a following. Like I can claim to be Jesus and have everyone else do things... crazy things... like lets say, PLANT TREES IN PEOPLES YARDS! Oh my! That is just pure insanity; I think I’d prolly have to tone it down a little bit.

I have always wanted to start a revolution but frankly I don't know what it would be for. Like sure, there are plenty of people who wish to destroy our government. (And they're not all Americans!) But they are all scattered in different groups, there are the Anarchists, the Nihilists, the Communists, and yes even the dreaded Green party! What we really need to do is figure out a good point that every one would back against, and if we can't find one then we get to make one up! Like let’s say... THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T LIKE KITTENS! Okay now that we have this tasty little lie floating around we can just wait for all of the governments enemies to band together, because everyone likes kittens! So now we have a very large group banding against the government so now we just need to figure out the best way to take over... Well the Anarchists will team up with the Arsonists and burn down all the government buildings. The Nihilists will sit around and do nothing. The Hippies will grow weed to bribe government officials and also to boost our new economy. The Communists will distribute all the weed and firearms equally among the revolted. And I will prepare to ensure my space as the New Emperor Grand High Uber Czar (NEGHUC) of The New-Age and Really Extremely Giddy Associative Provinces of the Country Also Formerly Known as the United States of America. (NAREGAPCAFKUSA) As the NEGHUC of NAREGAPCAFKUSA I will create a new language give people roller coasters and make penguins our national animal.

Damn, I'm gonna love living in NAREGAPCAFKUSA. Who wants to help?

A Whale of a Dragon

Damn dragons...

You may be asking why do I damn those dragons. Well frankly they get a little too big and death inducing after a point. I mean when something is twice the size of a barn and can roast an entire cow when it sneezes you have to be more then a little worried for your safety around them. But seriously do you know how many house cats’ I've lost to them? Sure they may make it look like a car hit them or something but it's pretty obvious that the dragons are just trying to cover things up. Those dragons are much craftier then we give them credit for. How many dragons have you seen this year? Like almost none! But when you're twice the size of a barn it's kind of hard to hide. But they manage it, it's hard to believe but they do. It's all because they have the power of infinity on their side. You can take an infinitely large number and put it into an infinitely small number, and it's really hard to see infinitely small things. So all the dragons have to do is find an infinitely large house to go chill in. (like that one just down the street from me and too the left... no! your other left!) And then once they're in the house they just have to go find an infinitely small whale to swallow the house. You may think that that is kind of hard but it's not... I have a couple floating around in my bottle of mineral water. (I just have to keep them away from that house...) So yeah that's how they hide, pretty crafty if you ask me.

Damn those infinitely small whales... and those dragons... and well any damn mythical creature... except for crocodiles... they're pretty cool.

Grim Reaper '05

Today I was able to use our new weed-eater, and well frankly it got me to thinking of what the Grim-Reaper of the future would prolly look like. So he'd have a weed-eater and he'd where a trench coat and ski mask... now that's pretty badass, but it's rather hard to kill people with a weed-eater. So he'd have a chainsaw. Now that is pure scary and deathlike screaming. But kids of our generation grew up with the likes of Freddy and Jason so we need to add some things to our new grim reaper to make sure children cower in fear... So well we're going to make his eye's glow, because glowing eyes are always scary! I mean, take a kitten, make its eye’s glow and, well, I’m not going to pet that kitty! Okay so we add glowing eyes and what else, hmmm... All right well when he walks it has to make the sound of a bag full of chains, because that sound is always scary. Now on the his trench-coat we should put some "no smoking" symbols, we all know that death won't scare a smoker but the thought of not being able to smoke sure as heel will. Now all this is scary and all, but not scary enough, so we need to think of some other things... like... um... RAINBOW SUSPENDERS! Now I’m shuddering just thinking of the new grim reaper. But what are the suspenders holding up? Only the scariest leg covering ever invented... Bell Bottoms. I admit they aren't as scary as rainbow suspenders but they certainly are scary. He needs a shirt too... or does he? Lets just have him go topless underneath the trench-coat but have a Wal-Mart smiley fact tattooed on his stomach with his nipple's making the eyes. Now I'm about to piss my pants...

So "The New Grim Reaper" is going to look like this: A guy in a trench-coat and ski mask holding a chain-saw wearing bell bottom and rainbow suspenders underneath the coat with a smiley face tattooed on his stomach and no smoking symbols all over his coat... Damn... I'm sure glad I grew up with the old grim reaper!

Viking are Da Shite!

I sit down to write something entertaining and the only thing I notice is my weak arms.

Concerning Vikings:

Vikings are a very resourceful group of people; they are a cross between Pirates and Scotsmen. In fact legend has it that the father of all Vikings traded a Pirate his bagpipes and kilt for a boat and a sword. (As cool as skirts are it was all in all a good trade.)

As far a lodging goes for a Viking they all sleep in boats. They follow this rule so vehemently even during their off season they are known to flip a boat over and sleep in it. (It is not uncommon to see Vikings hiking along land locked area's carrying small lifeboats for protection against the elements.)

All Vikings are required to have extremely large beards as long or commonly longer then the hair on their head. (The braided beard actually was started by a young homosexual Viking and quickly spread among the youth creating the new "in" thing.) Many believe that most all Vikings are blond but this is a common misconception, and at the same time Vikings are an exception to the dumb-blond rule. (Blond Vikings are usually the smart ones.)

A Vikings pet is naturally a very interesting thing. Unlike Pirates that have their parrots and Ninjas who have their... um Ninja Stars, Vikings will carry around any animal that they decide not to eat. But for an animal to truly be accepted tribe-wide as a pet, and not just a snack for later, they much be named. Names usually come from the area of which they were found and a species which they might be confused for. (The most famous Viking pet was Franklin the Norwegian Bobcat who was kitten house cat found in Grants Pass, Oregon.)

Viking pillaging usually consists of removing all the food and shiny things from a given area. This differs from Pirate pillaging by the fact that Vikings will commonly break things for no other reason than "It looked funny." (And after living in a boat for you entire life most other buildings look funny.)

The diet of a Viking is extremely varied and much like any teenage boy is pretty much whatever food they see. Many Viking also follow the strict rules of the "If you can chew it, eat it" diet. It has been told that on one occasion a Viking feast consisted or 12 different four legged animals all of which were natives to the small nation of Zaire.

The Viking burial is extremely ceremonious and does not just include the Viking warriors. Two of the most famous "send offs" were actually not even for great Viking warriors. The first was for Franklin the Norwegian Bobcat, who had been hit by a car and struggled for life even until the end. The Second was for Skjaldvör the wife Godric the slayer of Dragons, who demanded Godric clean the mead off of the boat walls. Skjaldvör was killed by flaming pieces of Franklins boat when it blew up in the final moment of departure.

The preceding is presently being looked over for admittance into the Encyclopedia Britannica, if you would like any more information on Vikings and their lifestyles please feel free to contact me.

My Vacation

Well I'm back from my vacation, it was fun... I didn't sleep all that much.

I have driven so much in the last week I feel as if I am more at home in a car. I was actually driving my friends Jon car more then anything. In fact I have driven that car more in the past week then I have driven my own in the past 2 months.

I've had a cold for the last week, I got it the night I graduated and just to show the cold how much I hate it I refused to change my schedule and in fact not only that but I also made severe efforts to exhaust my cold, and in the end exhausted me at the same time. It was fun!

Well I'm almost bored with this so I'm going to go get dressed and showered and stuff.

Friendish

I really don't feel much like sleeping tonight. The air just feels so refreshing and invigorating! I really wish I had some friends that I could go hang out with at this time of night. Yeah, all my friends are lame like that; on school nights they have to do stupid things like "sleeping" and "homework" but seriously why? It's so pointless with a week left of school; hell I thought it was pointless before this point! I need some new friends, or my friends that live in other cities need to move here. I have so many people that enjoy me in Eugene and Grants Passish that I'd much rather hang out with then anybody else here. It gets really annoying when a friend calls you up asking if you want to hang out and then saying "Oh yeah, can you come and pick me up?" And they are prolly the only friend you have that doesn’t drive and lives 5 miles out of town.

Maybe I just need to rethink my friends entirely, not hold on to the ones I have but start hanging out with those kids that skip class to go do drugs and such... that’s a great crowd! I bet they are awake right now smoking some weed or rolling on some X. Like I said great people to hang out with! Well at least I'd be entertained for the night, and if things get really bad I can even drive them to the hospital! Oh man, I see only good things coming from hanging out with these elite few. Who knows maybe after a time they will allow me to join their caste and I can get really messed up on drugs!

I think I'll go to sleep in a little bit. Or maybe I'll just go make a sandwich; I did eat a lot of cake today after all. So the real question is: Sleep or Sandwich? A very deep and powerful question that I believe will take many hours of deep philosophical thought to come to a conclusion. I'll go make a sandwich to get me through all that thought, who knows I may have to sleep on it.

Bored

Did I ever tell you about that time the sky blew up? Yeah, me niether.

Have a Good Day!

This morning while he was getting ready he actually looked in the mirror. Most mornings he would have looked and quickly exited the bathroom. This morning was different though. He was smiling. As he looked at the unknown man smiling back at him he suddenly got an odd feeling deep in his gut. It was nothing like the depression that he dealt with everyday, no, this was something that he welcomed. As he left the bathroom he noticed that he was still smiling, smiling at, well really absolutely nothing. As he thought more and more about this feeling he noticed he was elated above seemingly everything. He enjoyed this. As the day went on he noticed all the little things in the world, the birds joyful little sounds, the vivid colors of the trees and gardens around him, everything seemed so much better then the day before. Even that night he decided to go on a walk, the fresh cool air was crisp in his lungs and invoked a sense of calm that he could not ever place having before. As he changed into him clean warm pajamas the calm feelings remained with him, it was then he knew. As he fell into a deep slumber he knew that in the morning everything would be perfect.

Wow, that was extremely hard for me to write something positive... In the end I almost had him going asleep to his death but in the end I figured it might as well be a true change of pace. It seems so... uneventful of a story to me. I mean all of my writing is bad but this is utter crap!

Random Jolts of Electricity

I have decided that randomness is a sign of higher brain activity. It makes sense too! Just think about it, you have a bunch of random electrical bursts crossing your brain stimulating random thoughts. Higher brain activity, but unfocused activity at that. So sure a random person utilizes more of their mind brain but that does not make them smarter, just more spontaneous. In fact people who have more random stimulation end up doing stupid things without as much contemplation for the consequences.

So what would you rather have, a spontaneous lifestyle, or a much more structured life where you can enjoy single things? Personally I'd like to have the more spontaneous lifestyle. It is so much more entertaining when viewed from the outside. But that’s just it, you get bored so much easier then others that you are constantly in search of new things. I wish to find the balance, the place where I can take up things for a while and ditch them after a few months rather then a few weeks. I wonder if I'll ever get to that point. Maybe when I get back from my trip and don't care so much about money.

Nothing Really

The bloody hand embraces the cup as he takes his last sip before passing into the euphoric trance induced by the drink, seconded by the recent deed that was committed. The blood on the glass make it a slippery wet fish, and after loosing his current sense of will the glass becomes little bits of ice strew all about the bloody floor. He looks down at what just happened and starts laughing, hysterical is his laugh, so hideous that it brings tears to his eyes when he hears himself. Looking as what is on the ground he begins to realize what has happened. More laughter. Any second party viewing this seen would turn away and will the thick vomit back down their thoughts. As he laughs he leans up against the wall. His back slides down the crimson wall revealing the true tan color of the room. As he slides his laughter slowly subsides as the drinks effects plummet him further into the joyful numbness. The room suddenly starts to get darker, no not the room but his vision. Slowly he watches the last few shades of the room fade into black while he finally experiences nothing, something that he will still never know.