Socially, I've pretty much given up. I've finally admited there is no place for me and no one for me. I'm totally fine at being an outcast, so why not also step out of the way for others that would prefer the places I have so aquired in life, I musn't have any use for them if I am to be an outcast. Hell those girls that always wanted my lunch table, well I'm the only one using it, might as well give it to them. Actually being outcast isn't all that bad, there are a few perks, like nobody knows/cares who you are, you're never noticed. Hell! I could prolly walk naked through the commons and no one would notice me! I know this is all just sarcastic complaining but who else would I complain to? I'm an outcast, remember, I have no friends. I don't care anymore. Why should I even care about succeding and going to college? I might as well just go sit somewhere and rot until someone throw's me out because the smell.
Screw this.
2005-02-15
2005-02-13
Put the Fire Outside
Last night I went to a bonfire, as much as I like bonfires this one was alright at best. It consisted more of people that I'd never hang out with on any other occasion.
The funny thing is that if I look back at my social evolution I could very well have ended up in that group. A majority of my "Friends" are in the "popular" group. And you may think does that group have to do with the amount of money you have or the stuff you have? The answer is yes and no. You don't need the stuff to be in there, but if you want to be at the higher end of that group all that matters is how much your cell phone cost, what kind of car you drive and what clothes you wear. As bad as it seems I think that those things define almost any group, whether you wear all black or tight shirts and letterman jackets. Sure the groups claim that anyone can hang out with them but will it really happen if your clothes don't match?
As far as I go I like to think of me as the drifting outsider. Everyone knows me but no one talks to me. I sit at lunch alone and no body notices. I can easily go into any group at make joke with them but I'll never stay for long. I'm the lonely wanderer.
The funny thing is that if I look back at my social evolution I could very well have ended up in that group. A majority of my "Friends" are in the "popular" group. And you may think does that group have to do with the amount of money you have or the stuff you have? The answer is yes and no. You don't need the stuff to be in there, but if you want to be at the higher end of that group all that matters is how much your cell phone cost, what kind of car you drive and what clothes you wear. As bad as it seems I think that those things define almost any group, whether you wear all black or tight shirts and letterman jackets. Sure the groups claim that anyone can hang out with them but will it really happen if your clothes don't match?
As far as I go I like to think of me as the drifting outsider. Everyone knows me but no one talks to me. I sit at lunch alone and no body notices. I can easily go into any group at make joke with them but I'll never stay for long. I'm the lonely wanderer.
2005-02-08
Live to be Alive
Death is such a common subject, sometimes you must really block it out of your thought. Among teenagers it is just a thing that rushes by and no one really cares unless they knew the deceased. This doesn't help when they wish to take their own lives. Teens are dreadfully uninformed about suicide and the fact that there is nothing after this life. Sure maybe that appeals to some but they should still think of who they affect, and who they influenced. At times a smile could sway someone's decision. But as easy as it is to sway someone from suicide it is just as easy to push someone, a few misguided words could mess with someone's day (or week even week.) You may not think you care about one of your unknown peers taking their own life, but you would care if it ends up that you helped in the process. Sometimes just asking if someone's okay can change their life. They may not want to talk but when they know someone cares their life could mean a lot more to them.
Always assume the worse, that way things can only get better.
Always assume the worse, that way things can only get better.
2005-02-01
Sleep is for the Weak
Happy Febuary!
So how is everyone? I'm all right I guess, I think it is time to look back on January and reflect. Well yeah... hmmm... not much to reflect on. Maybe this is a sign that I should have more death in my life. No not the dieing kind of death but the near-death-experience-kind-of-death. It’s such a useful type of thing. First it puts your life into perspective, second it makes a cool story, and third... well I'm sure there's something you could put in here.
Have you ever had a near life experience? I think I might have had a few... They most commonly happen right after near death experiences... I don't think they’re as fun though. They just make you appreciate life more.
A near sleep experience is more fun though... Mainly because you're speaking a lot more nonsense!
So how is everyone? I'm all right I guess, I think it is time to look back on January and reflect. Well yeah... hmmm... not much to reflect on. Maybe this is a sign that I should have more death in my life. No not the dieing kind of death but the near-death-experience-kind-of-death. It’s such a useful type of thing. First it puts your life into perspective, second it makes a cool story, and third... well I'm sure there's something you could put in here.
Have you ever had a near life experience? I think I might have had a few... They most commonly happen right after near death experiences... I don't think they’re as fun though. They just make you appreciate life more.
A near sleep experience is more fun though... Mainly because you're speaking a lot more nonsense!
2005-01-29
There and Back Again.
In the end I got a "B" in my English class so I decided to go to Arcata! For those of you who don't know where Arcata is, it is the Home of Humboldt University on the northern California Coast. From Ashland it’s like a four-hour drive. It was pretty fun; in fact I have had nothing but junk food and an apple for the last 24 hrs.
On the way over it was just like any other car ride, you know, complaining, music, rock slides, and the other very common stuff. Yes, I did say rockslides... In fact we were driving and I saw some funny looking things on the road, then I saw the same funny things falling from the sky. After pondering them for about half of a second the car started getting pummeled by decent sized rocks... I screamed, "Oh, FUCK!" and everyone else kinda wondered what was going on. 500 ft. down the road we start to hear a funny sound, which the driver (Jon) recognizes as a flat tire... The coolest part is where this happened is very narrow windy roads with a drop on one side and a very tall cliff on the other. When we pulled over not more then 3 cars had passed when a cop pulls up, he gets on his bull horn and says: "Could you please move more to the side of the road." This was not a question... it was a statement, a very ominous statement, much like he was death pulling us over. When we responded that we couldn't move the policeman says in the most monotone voice ever: "You're gonna get hit." and that was all... It was as if he was deciding our fate and dooming us to an eternity at the side of this road. After a little bit he got out of his car and set up some flares.
To top it off it was raining.
On the way over it was just like any other car ride, you know, complaining, music, rock slides, and the other very common stuff. Yes, I did say rockslides... In fact we were driving and I saw some funny looking things on the road, then I saw the same funny things falling from the sky. After pondering them for about half of a second the car started getting pummeled by decent sized rocks... I screamed, "Oh, FUCK!" and everyone else kinda wondered what was going on. 500 ft. down the road we start to hear a funny sound, which the driver (Jon) recognizes as a flat tire... The coolest part is where this happened is very narrow windy roads with a drop on one side and a very tall cliff on the other. When we pulled over not more then 3 cars had passed when a cop pulls up, he gets on his bull horn and says: "Could you please move more to the side of the road." This was not a question... it was a statement, a very ominous statement, much like he was death pulling us over. When we responded that we couldn't move the policeman says in the most monotone voice ever: "You're gonna get hit." and that was all... It was as if he was deciding our fate and dooming us to an eternity at the side of this road. After a little bit he got out of his car and set up some flares.
To top it off it was raining.
2005-01-22
Left for the Right Mind.
Death to the cake! I honestly don't know why but in my mood I think something should die...
Well two nights ago I went to a concert, It was cool there was this white rapper, his name was "MC Lars," he rapped "The Raven." (Yes that old poem by that Poe guy.) Anywho he was pretty funny. I was actually turned onto some music while I was there, there were three bands and I really didn’t think I liked any of them but I was mistaken... The Riddlin’ Kids were there; followed by American Hi-Fi, and to top the night off was Bowling for Soup! All the bands were good and by the end it was so awesome because I tried to yell and almost passed out! I mean how cool is that!? The Mayfield part of the night is when I ran into this random girl that I had met 2 months before and barely knew... it was cool.
This morning I took the SAT's again... It actually wasn't all that bad and I think I prolly did a bit better then I did last time I took them. Last time I got 1100... I was disappointed, but today when I started the kid in front of me was saying that he'd love to get an 1100... I was like wow... its sad how much of a random guy I can be sometimes...
G'night.
P.S. I made up a new word today... It’s "Nawesome" it’s a cross between "Nice" and "Awesome." Yeah it’s a pretty nawesome word.
Well two nights ago I went to a concert, It was cool there was this white rapper, his name was "MC Lars," he rapped "The Raven." (Yes that old poem by that Poe guy.) Anywho he was pretty funny. I was actually turned onto some music while I was there, there were three bands and I really didn’t think I liked any of them but I was mistaken... The Riddlin’ Kids were there; followed by American Hi-Fi, and to top the night off was Bowling for Soup! All the bands were good and by the end it was so awesome because I tried to yell and almost passed out! I mean how cool is that!? The Mayfield part of the night is when I ran into this random girl that I had met 2 months before and barely knew... it was cool.
This morning I took the SAT's again... It actually wasn't all that bad and I think I prolly did a bit better then I did last time I took them. Last time I got 1100... I was disappointed, but today when I started the kid in front of me was saying that he'd love to get an 1100... I was like wow... its sad how much of a random guy I can be sometimes...
G'night.
P.S. I made up a new word today... It’s "Nawesome" it’s a cross between "Nice" and "Awesome." Yeah it’s a pretty nawesome word.
2005-01-19
Snowballs are NOT included in this issue.
Wow, I've really slowed down as far as posting goes... Well I have my reasons... yes... I always have my reasons... *Evil laugh*
So how is everyone? Right now my mood is a kind of "glowing darkness." It's all like happy but not at the same time. (Yes, very confusing.) So I think I might have passed my English class, if my mark is any higher then a "B" I will do something very unexpected. It will be so incredibly unexpected I don't even know what it is. (I really hope I get lower then a "B.")
Some people think I set myself up for failure, I think that I set myself up for amazing comebacks. It goes with my saying, "It's not whether you win or lose. It's how good of a story it will make." So like lets say you're playing a game of ultimate Frisbee, you're team is down 3 points, so your teammate makes a "Hail Mary" pass and hopes that you catch it. Meanwhile you sprint 60 yards down the field, jump in the air, catch the Frisbee, and slide shoulder first into the goal. Anywho the point of the story is that your team is still down 2 points but you looked a hell of a lot better then anybody else out there!
So how is everyone? Right now my mood is a kind of "glowing darkness." It's all like happy but not at the same time. (Yes, very confusing.) So I think I might have passed my English class, if my mark is any higher then a "B" I will do something very unexpected. It will be so incredibly unexpected I don't even know what it is. (I really hope I get lower then a "B.")
Some people think I set myself up for failure, I think that I set myself up for amazing comebacks. It goes with my saying, "It's not whether you win or lose. It's how good of a story it will make." So like lets say you're playing a game of ultimate Frisbee, you're team is down 3 points, so your teammate makes a "Hail Mary" pass and hopes that you catch it. Meanwhile you sprint 60 yards down the field, jump in the air, catch the Frisbee, and slide shoulder first into the goal. Anywho the point of the story is that your team is still down 2 points but you looked a hell of a lot better then anybody else out there!
2005-01-13
The Sickening Truth.
I get sick like once every 5 billion years! Actually its closer to once every year but it is still rare. And I have been sick for the last X amount of days. I don't know when it started or ever if it is over right now or not. I just know the height of it was yesterday. Being sick really isn't all that bad if you think about it. I mean if you have a nice parent then you get to miss school, you get waited on, and they don't mind your complaining. But unlike the majority of "Moms" mine is different. She requires me to go to school as long as I'm not throwing up, if I do stay home if she is home she'll never ask me if a need anything and make me get everything myself. Honestly I don't really care, I've grown up knowing how being sick works, and for the most part I can manage.
Well I don't know what’s going on right now so I'm going to go do something.
Well I don't know what’s going on right now so I'm going to go do something.
2005-01-09
Jujujuju Beeeeeeeeeeee!
Today work was really easy. I was there for a total of four hours! It was really rather nice, mainly because I only had to do like five things. (Okay maybe I'm exaggerating. It was closer to 3 things.)
I wish school were easier for me. There is this research paper I have to write to be able to graduate. I suck at writing research papers! (Or any other papers for that matter.) I know right now I'm just complaining, but for truth, why the hell do I need to know how to write a research paper if I'm going to wash dishes for my entire life? Okay I admit I won't be washing dishes for the rest of my life. In fact I really hope I won't be washing them for the rest of the year.
Have you ever had so much sugar you don't feel like eating more? Have you ever felt like that and ended up eating more? Have you ever been at the point where everything looks really tasty but you ate so much sugar you feel like you stomach is trying to escape via your belly button? Repeatedly? If you answered yes to all of the above questions you are either me, or have worked with the same baker I work with.
I wish school were easier for me. There is this research paper I have to write to be able to graduate. I suck at writing research papers! (Or any other papers for that matter.) I know right now I'm just complaining, but for truth, why the hell do I need to know how to write a research paper if I'm going to wash dishes for my entire life? Okay I admit I won't be washing dishes for the rest of my life. In fact I really hope I won't be washing them for the rest of the year.
Have you ever had so much sugar you don't feel like eating more? Have you ever felt like that and ended up eating more? Have you ever been at the point where everything looks really tasty but you ate so much sugar you feel like you stomach is trying to escape via your belly button? Repeatedly? If you answered yes to all of the above questions you are either me, or have worked with the same baker I work with.
2005-01-07
Hehe, I Won.
Picture a computer. Now picture it getting shot five times. And now picture someone going to turn it on and it still works. That is how I feel right now. Many may ask "Why the bullets?" Well really, what better way to put holes in things...
It's supposed to snow tonight, and with any luck it will snow the next few days and we won't have school on Monday. But it will never happen... It never happens. If it were to snow, it would be the first few days of spring break. It would be as if the weather, the Devil, and the school district all had this secret pact to work with each other.
It's easy to get tired, you just have to stay up late, do lots of strenuous activity, or even play with your emotions.
It's supposed to snow tonight, and with any luck it will snow the next few days and we won't have school on Monday. But it will never happen... It never happens. If it were to snow, it would be the first few days of spring break. It would be as if the weather, the Devil, and the school district all had this secret pact to work with each other.
It's easy to get tired, you just have to stay up late, do lots of strenuous activity, or even play with your emotions.
2005-01-05
Soggy Bottoms
Well right now I'm waiting for my clothes to dry... It takes so long... or does it?
Just think 100 years ago I'd be waiting all night for it to dry, as it would hang in your living room during the winter and outside during the summer. It makes you almost appreciate your dryer, But then again it still doesn’t go fast enough! When ever you're in a hurry you end up having to wait for it and even then your underwear are slightly soggy for an hour or two. There really has to be a better way. Like can't we invent something like I clothes microwave? Your clothes would be in there for like 5 mins and they would smell like hotdogs when it was done! I mean I only see ups, dry clothes, no soggy underwear, scent o' hotdog... Man it would be a good life.
There a quite a few other things in our lives that we take for granted. Take mechanical pencils for example, 50 years ago if your pencil was dull you'd have to sharpen it yourself! OMG! How did we ever survive?
Well now that I have fulfilled my duty to update my blog I think I will go put on some soggy underwear and go to bed.
Just think 100 years ago I'd be waiting all night for it to dry, as it would hang in your living room during the winter and outside during the summer. It makes you almost appreciate your dryer, But then again it still doesn’t go fast enough! When ever you're in a hurry you end up having to wait for it and even then your underwear are slightly soggy for an hour or two. There really has to be a better way. Like can't we invent something like I clothes microwave? Your clothes would be in there for like 5 mins and they would smell like hotdogs when it was done! I mean I only see ups, dry clothes, no soggy underwear, scent o' hotdog... Man it would be a good life.
There a quite a few other things in our lives that we take for granted. Take mechanical pencils for example, 50 years ago if your pencil was dull you'd have to sharpen it yourself! OMG! How did we ever survive?
Well now that I have fulfilled my duty to update my blog I think I will go put on some soggy underwear and go to bed.
2005-01-01
Stuff Version 1.556.4
Happy New Year!
Yeah, I haven’t updated in a very long while... but I have an excuse! Yes my excuse is actually also a good reason. My Girlfriend was visiting for the last week and I only get to see her like once a month! Yeah it’s pretty lame.
My break was a decent one. I visited my aunt and uncle in Portland and went shooting with my uncle and cousin. It was rather fun, taking out all of my pent up anger towards computers by shooting old hard drives and laptops... Ah it felt good to finally show them who has the real power!
On my way back I picked up my girlfriend (Bobbie Jo), and she stayed in Ashland for the week. That was fun, we went to two parties, one of which I first got stuck in a ditch, and later I tripped and hit a wooden pole really hard with my face... The second was much more fun, it was last night and it consisted of a bonfire, capture the flag (in the dark hilly woods), and a game of LOTR Risk. I won (or my team won) each of the events, especially the bonfire.
Earlier today I took Bobbie Jo to the Greyhound station and saw her off. It costs a mere $204.00 to travel from Eugene Oregon to Montpelier Vermont... Which comes out to less than 5.4 cents a mile... Cheap.
Yeah, I haven’t updated in a very long while... but I have an excuse! Yes my excuse is actually also a good reason. My Girlfriend was visiting for the last week and I only get to see her like once a month! Yeah it’s pretty lame.
My break was a decent one. I visited my aunt and uncle in Portland and went shooting with my uncle and cousin. It was rather fun, taking out all of my pent up anger towards computers by shooting old hard drives and laptops... Ah it felt good to finally show them who has the real power!
On my way back I picked up my girlfriend (Bobbie Jo), and she stayed in Ashland for the week. That was fun, we went to two parties, one of which I first got stuck in a ditch, and later I tripped and hit a wooden pole really hard with my face... The second was much more fun, it was last night and it consisted of a bonfire, capture the flag (in the dark hilly woods), and a game of LOTR Risk. I won (or my team won) each of the events, especially the bonfire.
Earlier today I took Bobbie Jo to the Greyhound station and saw her off. It costs a mere $204.00 to travel from Eugene Oregon to Montpelier Vermont... Which comes out to less than 5.4 cents a mile... Cheap.
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